Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Freaking out on roids!

I just came back from the doctor's office because I have been freaking out over the side effects that I have been having from the medication that I am on. Around 2 and a half weeks ago I brought up the fact that I wanted to start seeing a physical therapist to my doctor, and he suggested that I start taking this steroid medication to help control back spasms or something like that... I don't really remember the specifics, but I have decided that I am way to trusting towards medical officials and I am going to start paying attention from now on!

The first dose was given through a shot in my ass! But the rest of the medication that I take on a daily basis, is taken orally. Anyway, at first I didn't mind the side effects because I thought that they were kind of cool! I used to only have to shave once a week, but now I am shaving every 3 days! In addition to that, I have noticed that doing every day things, like walking or carrying my surfboard have become easier.

I first started noticing the negative effects on Saturday. I woke up to put my suit of for the graduation that I was going to, and it didn't fit! The chest and shoulder area was way to tight, and I couldn't get my pants to fit at all! I was horrified because there was very little in my room that actually fit me! I ended up having to wear my little brother's clothes to the graduation (I know that sounds strange, but he is my half brother. He is 11 years old and he is only 3 inches shorter than I am, and he out weighs me by 30 lbs!!) and I felt ridiculous. But I was also freaking out because I felt like a fat cow! A BIG FAT COW!! So I call the doctor on Monday in a complete panic telling him that I think that I must be allergic to whatever he has me on, because I look llike I have just been stung by 100 bees! Yes I know that was a tad bit dramatic, but I was freaking out! I am sorry.

I arrived at the doctor's office a half hour before my appointment and I sat there anxiously as I listened to music on my iPod. But then I started getting worried that if I was listening to my iPod I wouldn't hear the nurse call my name. Then I would miss my appointment and never find out what is wrong with me and I would have to go through the rest of my life with my own gravitational pull! So I turned off my iPod and just sat there strumming the arms on my chair with my fingers until the nurse finally called my name.

I am going to first start by telling you guys the bad news, and then I am going to move onto the good news. I like hearing bad news first, because I can know that I can look forward to good news!

The bad news is that within the last month, I have gained over 15 lbs! As the nurse was taking me back to see the doctor, I was weighed, and the scale read 161!! I have never weighed 161 lbs in my life! I am not a very tall guy, and that's a lot of weight for a guy like me! The doctor was waiting for me inside of the room and he started talking right when he saw me. He told me that I sounded very upset over the phone, and this appointment wasn't to change anything about my medication, but to give me information about what was going on with my body and reassure me that everything was okay. This made me sad, but I let him go on because I wanted to understand what was happening with me!

The good news is that I am not going to get any bigger. The medication has already bloated me to capacity, so I don't have to worry about turning into the blob. He pulled out his handy dandy "Body Mass Index" chart, and he pointed out that I am still not over weight, and I shouldn't be upset about this. He also told me that once I cycle through the medication, the excess weight will just drop off like magic.

Of course I am insane, so I keep on studying the chart after the doctor is done showing me that I am at a good weight. The first thing that I noticed was that 165 is considered over weight! Even worse that that is 180 is considered obese!! I am 4 lbs away from being over weight and 19 lbs away from being OBESE!! That is freaking me out!

Of course all of my friends are trying to tell me that there is no difference in my physical appearance and that if I would not have pointed it out, they would have never noticed! One of my friends actually just thought that I was finally starting to bulk up. I find many flaws in this logic, but the most important thing is that I haven't lifted weights in the gym EVER in my entire life! I will surf, jog, swim, and play sports, but I REFUSE to lift weights. I hate lifting weights as much as I hate sporks (more of that on a later post.)! My second problem with this statement, is that I have gained absolutely no muscle mass! In fact, I think that I have lost quite a bit of it! There is no way that it looks like I have been hitting the gym.

So basically I have 3 more weeks of being Fatty McFatterson, and then I will be back to normal. I would like all of you guys to meet Fatty McFatterson. I know that I don't actually look over weight, but I definitely feel it right about now. I actually feel exactly how this guy looks. I know. I know! I am absolutely the most VAIN person on the planet, but its really bothering me!

16 comments:

Josh said...

I just saw you a few days ago. If you think that you are fat, then I am really scared to hear what you think of me! To me, you look good. Not to skinny, not to fat, jsut the right mixture of muscle and personality! I am like 2 inches taller than you and I weight 175! I must be boardering on over weight, but I did not realize this until you brought up that stupid BMI chart! I don't think that they take into account how much muscle mass a person has! Muscle totally weights more than fat! I think that we are just 2 buff guys.

dan said...

that's hilarious, dude, you'll be fine, hang in there stud.

Craig said...

You are a funny guy! Its been a while since I have freaked out about my wieght though... I think that after you hit 30, every day that you do not ahve to loosen your belf another notch is a victory in its own! If I were to have a nervous breakdown every time that I noticed myself getting a little bit bigger, I don't think that I would ever get anything else done!

Be happy that in a few weeks this will all be nothing but a bad memory! Well that is until you get to be my age, and then it will come back with avengence!!

Jake said...

That was a funny post. I am sorry for laughing at you, but its so cute how you are freaking out about this! I want to just pinch your cheeks!

Asher said...

You are sooo adorable! This was a funny post. I don't think that you are vain at all! You just care about your body, and to few people in this country actually care about their bodies! Let this be a learning experience for you. Its only temporary, maybe you can even have a sense of humor about this!

Stan said...

This guy that you drew looks like my grandfather! hahah I can't stop laughing! its just sooo wierd. Have you ever been to Florida? Because that is where he lives and I swear to god that he inspired you to draw this picture! WEEEERD! haha. Love this post also. You are a funny guy. I am sure that you aren't a fatty Mcwhatever! You are a surfer and you never rest! There is no way that you could be fat.

Anonymous said...

A gay guy from LA that doesn't go to the gym!? There has to be something seriously wrong with your wiring! Though I have never met a surfer that didn't have just as amazing of a body than a gym guy... So maybe surfing is your gym... Ooo! This could be a whole revolution for gay men!! Could you imagine how many gay guys would start surfing if they knew what it would do for their bodies!?!? Wow sorry my fingers got away from me for the last couple of lines... hahaha.

Trevor said...

For your information, I have never been sweet or innocent in my entire life!! I have always been like this, you just never knew! I love this post today! I can't imagine you chunky! I would actually hop on a flight and come have lunch with you just to check out what you would consider fat! Especially since you and I are the same height and I weigh 2 lbs more than you! I think that I am pretty attractive and so does my new buddy Ken! I am pretty sure that this is all in your head.

Anonymous said...

Hilarious!! Fatty McFatterson!? Where did that come from!? haha! You crack me up.


Sam

Jason said...

EXCELLENT! This was a really funny post. I am going to have to believe the people on this blog that know you and think that this whole "fat" problem is all in your head! I guess that you would have to worry about the extra pounds if your looks are all that you had going for you, then you should be worried. But there are a million other things that make you an awesome person so if I were you I would not even worry about it!

WhiteflameNZ said...

Hhaha if you look down and you dont have one lonely ab then you cant call yourself fat. Im sure you still look perfect.

Ralph said...

Think about it this way. You haven't done anything for the last 2 months except sit on your ass, and all that you have gained is 15 lbs, and that was mostly because you were on the roids! That means that you have a really awesome metabolism, and it really will be gone in no time once you get better! Its just another incentive.

Marc said...

first of all, excellent picture! I love the way that you chose to color it in. Great job!

Now to the meat and potatoes of your post. I understand what you mean about getting fat! I had to have knee surgery back in high school, and while I was recovering I gained soo much weight! I got really depressed. I don't think that it was because I was vain, it was just more because having a fit body was part of my identity. I think that its the same for you.

You rock.

stef said...

I never trusted much doctors until a few months ago I decided to be one of them. Funny uh?

I think I understand why you feel so weird about gaining weight. It's not just a matter of being skinny or fat, it's more like you see your body changing right under your eyes, and too fast. Do not worry tho, it's still you...

Terry said...

Love the picture and this post! What a crack up! I'm sorry about your "condition" so, obviously, I'm not laughing at that. But I have to say that your post and Marc's above comment did make me feel better. I, too, have gained weight since my surgery -- sitting around much, much more than I'd like; taking steroid medicines along with the rest. Damn! Even eating only one and a half meals a day still makes me gain weight. Right now it seems like a no-win situation. But I'm sure it will pass.

Anonymous said...

BMI charts can be deceiving if someone is very active... they don't take into account that a person who is more active than the average american (?!?) has more lean muscle mass... and we all know that muscle weighs more than fat (if we're talking about a chunk that's the same size).

Chill out... I've heard that sometimes steroid treatments can make you more anxious. Plus you're generally stressed right now.

When I hurt my back, I wasn't put on steroids, but I was on morphine... which was... interesting. That shit really knocks you out. Thankfully, I wasn't on it for too long. I found that traction really helped me... I'd go in to my physiotherapist twice a day for traction & heat, then acupuncture and ice... I was pretty much a fixture in her office for a while.

As for vanity... you really should be more concerned about how your body works right now, than what it looks like. I know that's easier said than done, but it'll do you more good in the long-term.... and long-term matters. Much of your future happiness will depend on how your body works in the future...

-spt