Monday, July 03, 2006

Eddie's gone.


I was such a mess this morning as I drove Eddie to the airport. He's going to Hong Kong to teach at a university until September! I haven't really mentioned it because I was pretending that he was never actually going to go. But now he is gone and I am REALLY lonely!

Before he left he gave me this huge family size box of Fruit loops. He told me that inside of the box there were a bunch of really fun and exciting things that he knew that I loved to do. He told me that they only thing that will make him happy is if I am having an awesome time while he is away. How does he think that I am going to have any fun with him in Hong Kong!? But I started looking through the box, and I couldn't help but get really excited over all of the things in it! There were tickets to all of my favorite bands at all of my favorite venues, 2 books that I have been dying to read, but I haven't had the time to pick up, and a DVD that he had made of us (get your minds out of the gutter! Its nothing like that!!!)

I was crying like a baby! I mean he just gave me like 20 super thoughtful gifts all at once! I swear to god that I never used to cry like this! I don't know what's going on with me. But even when I was little I wasn't a crier. When I was little and they killed Bambi's mom I asked if we could have venison! I just don't cry, but lately I have just been bawling like a girl all of the time!
This whole, being gay thing, really has my emotional armor down. But I really feel like if anybody had done anything like this for me at any point in my life, I would cry like a baby! HE'S SO FREAKIN SWEET AND THOUGHTFUL!!

People always tell me that I am thoughtful and caring, but I would have never thought about doing anything like this for anybody! Eddie is too good for me, and I have no idea what I have done to deserve a man like this in my life. I am going to miss him soooo much! We all realize taht after camp ends I am flying to Hong Kong right?

Life is going to be pretty busy over the next few days so I don't think taht I am going to get to post. So Happy 4th to all of my American Homies! This is a picture that I took last year on teh 4th, I am such the awesome photographer aren't I?? haha! To everybody else, have a good week!

14 comments:

Tom said...

Being in the closet is a bit like wearing a mask. Using the mask, you only expose the parts of yourself you want people to see.

The problem is, the mask also filters what *you* see. You become less sensitive to your view of the world from behind the mask.

When you take the mask off, you become more sensitive to the things, and people, around you. The increased sensitivity is what makes you cry.

Masks can also be appropriate, we all have different masks for different situations: meeting a stranger, talking to workmates etc. The thinnest mask is ussually preserved for your lover. Next comes family.

As you go through the coming out process, you're re-arranging your masks. Eventually, you'll get the right mix and things will settle down.

BTW: Of course you deserve this man in your life! We all deserve happiness!

Gray said...

What a great, thoughtful guy you've got! I can understand why you're flying after him as soon as you get the chance! I want one just like him.

That's a nice time-delayed photo; it looks like it's over water. Could it have been near the QM?

Trevor said...

I remember that night! We were in Catalina. Gotta love Howlands landing. Dude, You are totally taking me to street team right!? I have to go to that concert. Don't worry about being lonely or anything, because I have a million things planned out for all of your time off! hahaha. Cya later dude

Raymond said...

WOw that sounds like you are going to be soo lonely! I would totally be crying my eyes out and following a man like that all over the globe! I hope that you continue to have a good summer though. Its important to live lives separate from the people that we love. That's how you build a good and strong relationship.

Jason said...

I think that you were justified with your tears in this situation! I mean if a guy gave me a bunch of really super thoughtful gifts just so taht I would have stuff to do and I wouldn't be sad while he was gone, I would be his forever! I mean seriously I would cry for a week on the couch, and then I would quite my job and become his house boy for life!

Marc said...

That's a really good picture dude! You really are an awesome photographer. I think that you should do that for a living if you don't become the best surfer on the planet, or the director of your own camp, or an awesome digital graphics artist. Damn do you realize that you are good at more things than all of my friends put together!? I would love to see what if would feel like to walk a mile in your shoes!

Brandon said...

You always know exactly what to say to make me feel like I am wasting my life with my current boyfriend because yours is so much better than mine! hahaha. Sorry I guess that wasn't your fault... But I still feel a small ammount of rage and jealousy.

Enzo said...

That's sweet! What a nice guy you have. I hope that you have a good 4th also. I am going to be celebrating with a day on the lake! I am pretty excited.

Anonymous said...

so gay

Josh said...

That sounds like a gret time. I really need to getting myself a person that can do things like this for me. I need to turn this post into a craigslist posting so that ppl know exactly what I am looking for!

whitewatcher said...

Awgh.... he's sweet to the stars, man. :)

Anonymous said...

Sounds like a great guy that you have there! Does he have a brother!? haha.

Manny said...

There are so man things that would be awesome for you to realize about yourself. First of all, you are awesomea nd you deserve to be happy like thiat, and the second thing is how successful you are as a person. It seems like you excel at everything that you try in life. You can be an artist, a surfer, or an academian. It's cool to have all of these options and ts awesoe how you stay so humble abou tit all. But maybe you should also learn to start owning all of you great qualities because you do ahve a lot going for you and it owuld be nice if maybe just once you were a little boastful.

Reggie said...

Awww. That had to be the sweetest thing ever! You have such an awesome guy! I hope taht you have a great 4th! Can't wait to read your next post.