Wednesday, July 05, 2006

I have a secret...

16 comments:

Trevor said...

Where is this coming from!? You really need to relax dude. Things are going great for you and you need to have more faith in the people around you! You are amazing and most people will accept that fact and movie on! Poeple keep on telling you this but it doesn't seem to be sinking in.

I hate that you are soo upset about going to see old friends! If they knew what you were internalizing they would all tell you that you are being silly. You are a good guy, and good things will happen to you because of it. Stop being so down on yourself, because I am going to start getting depressed also! And we have those tickets to the RX Bandits soon and I want to be happy for that!

Anonymous said...

Probably because you anticipate haveing to loose those friends - so you're distancing yourself emotionally from something that you love (ed?).

Dealing with your sexuality shouldn't mean that you erase part of who you are... I mean, some people change gradually over time, but this seems like a pretty sudden shift... and you can pinpoint when it happened yourself - tying it to a specific event.

Good luck
-spt

Asher said...

It's weird how you can say so much with so few words. I am sorry that you are having such a hard time with something that is supposed to make you feel good. It really seems like you loves surfing, but the environment is a little bit more than you can handle right now. Would it really be that difficult to take some time off of the sport until you are more able to deal with these issues.

Aaron said...

I just want to say that I hope that you feel better. And that I will be thinking about you. You are a very special guy.

dan said...

wow eric, I was thinking surfing would be stress RELIEF, not the opposite, hope it goes well,----you're a great young man, you're still a great young man, you're still a Man, you're the same great young man, etc... hang in there bud. later.

Tom said...

I know the feeling, overwhelming, attacks you in the pit of your stomach, you know what it's connected to, but don't know how to get rid of it.

It's a bit (just a bit) like the first time you get dumped by a biggish wave. Totally disoriented, don't know which way is up, panic sets in, and you think your lungs are going to burst.

But eventually, you get used to it. And you know the next wave (or the next, or the next) will be an awesome ride. That's why you keep going back.

I know what you're feeling, and I've known plenty of people who have felt the same, and all I can say is hang in there. It gets better, much better.

I'm no pro surfer, but I was a well known musician (heavy metal!) and I know it can feel like everyone is watching you! You know what I mean. But eventually, those feelings go away as well.

Hang in there mate, and don't hestitate to find someone you can trust to talk to if you need to.

Michael said...

Dude, that looks like something you would send to Post Secrets. (If you haven't checked out that website, you should.)

I understand, and hope you feel better.

Marc said...

I don't know what it feels like to be a person of noteriety. I am sure that it isn't always the most pleasant thing to have your life be this open book. But it really seems like you have taken everything in stride so far.

You are living life very differently now than you have ever done so in the past. Of course its going to take some getting used to. The only thing that has changed is that you are a much stronger person than you were before you came out. Be strong and I am sure that once you are there you will see that everything is okay.

Josh said...

I get your need to panic... You are doing something that you haven't done in a very long time. It must be hard approaching this situation and knowing that you aren't going to be at your best. But nobody is expecting you to do something amazing on this trip. As you said, this is all part of your recovery. Nobody is going to know that you are gay unless you tell them. So relax and have a good time. There is no pressure, you should just know that everybody is there to support you. You are awesome.

Enzo said...

You know just how to tup at my heart strings every single time. I hope that you can relax and have fun on your trip. You are a great guy with a lot of positive qualities. I know that you will do just fine!

Anonymous said...

You have talent and people like you! Do you have any idea how lucky you are!? You need to gain some perspective on your life. There are a lot of people out there that would kill to be you. Stop acting like a victim and enjoy your life for once!

Jarrod said...

That fucktard above me has that first statement right, you have talent and people like you. But the rest of what he said is completel BS! We all can look at another persons life and see how much better it is than ours, but we all have struggles. I hope taht you feel better about yourself and what you do. You are a great guy dude.

topher said...

been reading your blog for awhile but have kept quiet.. anyways, i wish you were writing this 5 years ago when i was going through the same thing, god knows it would have been helpful in knowing others are going through the same thing... i dont even think we even had blogs back then...

in anycase hang in there... eddie will be back, you'll have someone to be there for you and be your rock... and while it might be no comparison, know that youve got people from this blog too, rooting for you and thinking about you.

WhiteflameNZ said...

Eric................. cut it out. Life is all about perspective. You need to deal with things slowly and put everything in perspective. So your gay.......... this is to all young gay guys, a HUGE event. But put it in perspective.... being gay is as important as having black hair or blue eyes, it doesnt matter. You need to find a place in yourself where you can be proud of who you are. Not just proud of things you can do, because at the end of the day, no one cares if you can surf or paint or teach. If you couldnt do these things then you still need to be proud of yourself.
Be proud of the things that make you 'you' and work from there. Be the best damn surfer in on that beach and prove to the other guys that being gay doesnt change you, it makes you stronger.

downunderpants said...

Wow thats quite a big airy!

Gray said...

Why? You're a talented person; you've been to these events before. You know you'll meet up with Eddie shortly after the event is over. I go away for a couple of days and this rapid change in moods hits you. Relax and remember you have people on the blogs rooting for you as well as the fans who will be watching for the shoreline. Good luck and come back safe and safely.