Saturday, July 01, 2006

My "friend"


I have this friend. I have known this guy since high school, but we didn't really become friends until I left for NYC to go to college. He had just moved to the city because that was what all of the cool kids were doing at the time, and I was just trying to get as far away from my home as possible!

We were both new people in a new city and we basically found our way in the city together. There's one other thing about my friend, he's an actor (a very well known actor). Being an actor, its really hard to make friends because you never really understand the motives for why people are trying to friend you. So I guess that he clung to me pretty tight because I was what was familiar, and I did the same. I have to tell you that the perks of having a famous friend are pretty good. That year we spent in NYC had to be the craziest year of my life! In the end I left the city with a friend for life and a lot of memories.

Lately this friend and I have been hanging out a lot. He lives in the Westwood area, and I have had a lot of downtime (usually the hours that I have reserved for sleeping). I like hanging out with him because its really easy forget the real world when you are out drinking and partying at clubs that most people only get to read about in the tabloids.

I told him that I was gay on thursday. It didn't go very well at all. At first he was really shocked, and then he just kind of walked away from me. I was pretty hurt, but I was also expecting this. It's hard to explain without me getting to emotional, but I knew that this was probably the last time that we were going to hang out when I made this decision to tell him. I was just sick of pretending, and I felt like he deserved to know the real me.

Plus I just wanted to give him the courage to do the same. He's gay. But he is totally in the closet about it. I don't think that he will ever come out,not even to me, and because of this I feel very bad for him. I know that he is gay because there have been more than a couple of drunken nights where he has rubbed up against me(or actually just rubbed me repeatedly), or propositioned me in a half joking way. But he has his career to think about, and I completely understand that.

The strangest thing happened yesterday during camp check out. He called me. I was really busy and I couldn't pick up the phone, so he left a voicemail. I still haven't listened to it. I don't know what he has to say for himself, but i am just not ready to hear whatever it is. Eddie says that I should just get this over with, but I think that I need a little bit of time. I am just a total wimp and I hate hearing bad news.

Plus everything else in my life is going pretty good! My sponsors are sending me to Hawaii for 9 days to go and train with some of the best people in sports medicine next week. They are really commited to me as a surfer and doing what is best for my body. My camp career is going great. Everybody has absolute confidence in me and the way that I do my job. I am also having a pretty good personal life. I have never felt so close to my friends and my family. And I have never felt so accepted in my life. Its a great feeling! I just need to suck it up and be a man.

16 comments:

Josh said...

Maybe the thing that made you guys such good friends was the fact that you were both in the clost. Maybe he just felt a little bit betrayed that you weren't in the closet anymore. And now he wants to be friend again. I think that you need to listen to your voicemail and give this guy a chance. Life you said, you understand what it means to have to put your career first. Maybe he just needed a little bit of time to let all of this new information sink in

downunderpants said...

I havent experienced what it is like to be rejected yet, so I have no idea how you feel. Maybe he walked off because by you coming out to him, it brought up something that he can't admit to for obivous reasons. If he has called you I think that he wants apologise for walking off and wants to talk. If not listen to the voice msg and prove me wrong!! :-)

Kiel said...

Everybody deserves a second chance. Maybe his voicemail will surprise you. I am sure that once he has a chance to think about what he did he will only want to make things better. You don't seem like the kind of guy people give up without a fight.

Marc said...

sometimes people suck. Its a sad reality that you can't always count on the people that you care about. But maybe your friend was calling you to ask for a second chance. He definitely did not hanlde himself the way that he should have, but we have all done things that we wish we could take back. Check your messages and be the bigger person. It seems like you are good at doing that.

Gray said...

I agree with the other comments. From my point of view (that of staying in the closet for so very long and now only being "Half Out - Half In") I think the guy will do one of two things. Either he'll apologize and explain his embarassment OR he'll apologize and try to stay in his closet. Either way, you'll never know until you listen to the message.

Interesting picture. It reminds me of Bansky.

Trevor said...

I am sure that you have heard this message by now. But if you haven't, you really need to get on it! Whatever he has to say can't be any worse than what he's already done. And before you write him off competely you really need to give him a chance to redeem himself. You are a very forgiving person and this guy is your friend. Besides if he really has soething negative to say just let me know and I'll beat the shit out of him for you! Becuase that's what friends are for.

WhiteflameNZ said...

I am terrible with surprises. I cant even leave my christmas presents closed till christmas day. So leaving a voicemail for days on end. I am having panic attacks and its not even my phone! Check the messgage will you, put me out of my misery.
I think its a case of, if you leave it too long and then the message says that he really needs to talk to you then you may have missed your chance......
Be brave.
again..... Kia Kaha

Anonymous said...

I know that this is pretty taboo, but isn't anybody else curious who your friend is?? I don't think that anybody else has brought this up, but I want to know who your friend is! Is there any chance that you can tell me?

Ron said...

I am not going to pretend to be expereinced in the ways of the celebrity. However I do feel like there is a lot of pressure that goes with fame. And at times that must be very difficult to deal with. Remember that little freak out you had a few weeks ago? I was just saying, maybe this was his little freak out before he came to his senses and realized, like everybody else, that you are to important to him to lose as a friend

Jason said...

Litsen to that voicemail!!! Oh my gosh! I would go crazy with a million different sscenarios playing through my head on what the V-mail was all about! I mean what if he was calling you to tell you that he felt so awful and if you didn't return his call he will jump off a bridge!? Or something else equallu crazy! Just give it a listen and decide to hate him from there. PLEEZ!!

Perrin said...

If I were you I would definitely give that voicemail a listen! I get the reason for your aprehension, but like you said, its hard for famous people to make REAL friends. I feel like he needs another chance from you just on that point alone. I am sure that he is sorry for being a total jerk and he is ready to act like a grown up.

It was also good to hear about all that other stuff in your life that was going well. You have a lot to be happy about, and i am sorry that somebody had to come and rain on your parade!

Brady said...

I don't think that you should cut this guy any slack because he is famous! Just think about what you would have done if he would have come ot to you. If you can say that you would have been the kind of ass hole that he was to you, then forgive him! But if you are like the rest of us here on planet earth, kick his sorry ass to the curb and move one! You don't need this kind of crap.

Sorry if I sound a little bit angry. I just don't think that people deserve special treatment because they happen to be slightly more narcisistic than the rest of us.

Bold oy! said...

He is your friend and you seem to understand why he acts like he did. Forgive him and try to help him.
Whatever happens you have to post it - don't keep us in suspense, please!

JR said...

HI for nine days!? I am sooooo jealous! I mean not only do you have amazing sex all night long, have this amazing personality that everybody loves, a job that you love, and amazing athletic ability, but you also have this awesome ability to write in a way that keeps me coming back for more all the time! I want to be you for a day.

Anonymous said...

I wonder what it would be like to have a famous person on my voicemail and me not having any desire to listen to it.

We must live on different worlds.

Craig said...

If I were you I'd be waiting to hear the message also.