Sunday, July 02, 2006

Well...


I guess that I finally decided to give the voicemail a listen around 2 in the afternoon yesterday. Then right as a picked up the phone, it rang! It was him. I freaked out and I ran over to Eddie to let him know that I was getting called by the "actor". Then Eddie brought me down to earth pretty fast by telling me to stop being such a fucking pussy and answer the phone already. And of course he was right, so I did.

The conversation went sort of like this...

Me: Hello?
Him: Hey dude, did you get my message?
Me: No sorry. I have been pretty busy and I haven't had a chance to check them yet. What's up?
Him: Well I don't want to do this over the phone, can you come over?
Me: Well I am with my boyfriend right now so I am not going to be able to take off right away.
Him: YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND!?
Me: Yes I do. His name is Eddie, and he's an artist and a film maker. I wouldn't be surprised if you were in one of his movies in the next few years. And he is also the guy that I called to come and pick me up after you fucking abandoned me in Pasadena the other day!
Him: I am very sorry! I haven't been able to do anything since the last time we spoke. I feel like such an asshole! Can we please just meet up because I really need to talk to you. I really am sorry. You have no idea how bad I feel for treating you like that! [This is where he goes off on a 5 minute tangent of how wonderful I am.. It just felt really weird typing all of those things that he said about me, so lets just pretend that there's about half a page of why I am great right here.]
Me: Okay fine! I'll be over in an hour.


This is where it gets hard to write about... Eddie really wanted me to go and meet with this dude because he understands how important friends are to me, but I just had this awful feeling that things weren't going to go well. I showered and changed, and then I drove to his house. When I got there I let myself in like I usually do and I found him in the den watching TV. When I saw him I immediatley started to tear up. I don't think that I realized how much he had actually hurt me until I saw him again.

This was the same guy that delayed the filming of this movie he was in, then flew halfway across the world to sit with me while my grandmother lay dying in the hospital. Yet he just walks away from me when I tell him that I am gay? I really don't know how I am ever going to forgive him!

He saw the tears running down my eyes, and then he started to cry. I felt like such a loser! WHy couldn't I get my emotions under control!? I thought that I had prepared myself for this before I told him, but in the back of my mind I was still hoping that he would have reacted better. I took a seat on the couch furthest from him and I asked him why I was here.

The conversation that followed did nothing for me to want to forgive him. He basically told me that he wasn't expecting me to say anything like that to him. After I told him that I was gay he began to freak out immediatly because we are seen together a lot, and I am coming up in the world as a notable person. Look at what the press does to a guy like Anderson Cooper just because his friend is the lead singer of the Scissor Sisters. He also brought up what was going on with Lance Bass and a few other more obscure people. It didn't really matter to me though.

I basically started yelling at him. I went off on my own little tangent. I totally get the fear of being outted. I am a pro surfer. There's no such thing as a gay surfer! If I were to be outted I don't think that I would have much of a career or many friends in the surfing community. In fact it's such a macho atmosphere that I wouldn't be surprised if I were to get attacked by a few guys. I know the fear that he's feeling, because I am feeling it also! But I would never just abondon my friend because he said something to me that might effect my career!

There was complete silence in the room. I guess that we were both soaking in my words. I don't raise my voice normally, to be honest I can't even remember the last time that I did. So we were both pretty shocked with me.

This is getting very long, so I am just going to cut to the chase. Nothing was resolved. There was a point where he almost started to talk about his sexuality, but then he backed off. I didn't push it because I didn't have the energy. But I also didn't have the energy to be angry with him. So I gave him a hug and I told him that we were still friends. Then I apologized for yelling and I asked him if he was hungry. He was so we went to Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles. We can deal with all of this ugliness later. I was hungry and I wasn't thinking clearly because I was so upset, so I just felt like it was better to deal with this later.

24 comments:

Anonymous said...

I don't understand you. If I were you I would have kicked his ass and then told him to go and fuck himself! I am not entirely sure if this was strength of character on your part, or complete idiocracy! But whatever, its not my life. I hope that things work out for you.

Trevor said...

This is what I love about you the most! You never make decisions out of anger. You always wait until you have had time to reflect on whatever it is that you are having trouble with before you make your final choice. You are a great guy with an awesome ability to be fair and kind.

Work out these issues on your own time and don't be swayed by other pepole to make rash decisions, because that isn't what you do. Keep your head up.

Trevor said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

I have no idea how you were able to share a meal with such a douche! Kick that guys ass to the curb! You don't need friends like that.

Asher said...

I would have to agree with everybody else. He has fears, and you have fears, but atleast you know how to handle yourself like a decent human being! This guy is a total asshole and he doesn't deserve a friend like you. Rethink this guy's value to you as a friend. He doesn't really sound like a keeper.

George said...

That was weak! You started off strong by letting this loser know how you felt about him being such an asshole, but then you let him get away with it! It's not okay for somebody to just walk away like that and then have them be forgiven so easily. You really need to grow a backbone and stick up for yourself more. If you don't people are going to walk all over you your entire life.

Jason said...

I think that you handled yourself great. "george" is a dick and doesn't understand that you do have a backbone that is why you act the way you do! If I had the strength I would make all of my decisions with a clear mind, but I don't, so I always end up dealing with all of these issues from decisions that I have made in the heat of the moment!

You are young, and I am pretty sure that your friend is still pretty young also. In time he will change, and your friendship will be what is going to help him get through this. Its going to be awesome to look back at this in 20 years and tease him about how you were and are the better friend.

Brady said...

I have to agree with Jason. You are a very mature and sensitive man. Don't listen to George, that guy's a loser. Don't rush to any decisions until you have had some time to think about what it is that you want.

Law said...

I think that you handled yourself great. I have to agree with the people above me, "George" is a fucking retard. It takes a lot more strength to treat somebody with respect especially when they do not deserve it. You aren't saying that you completely forgive him, but you aren't going to treat him like an ass until you figure this out. Good for you

Marc said...

Its all been said. You did an awesome job dealing with your friend. You handled yourself with maturity and grace beyond your years. You are awesome

Bold oy! said...

Well, he is not as strong as you, but at least he was sorry for the way he behaved. Try to make him come out to you, that would be an important step for him.
So far I think you did really well.

Bridger said...

I love Roscoe's! I think that was a great idea to go there. They have this magical syrup that makes everything better. You did a great job dealing with this situation, I can see why they think that you are so awesome at camp. This stuff really carries through into other aspects of your life. And I am also happy for you that you get to watch meet the deedles. I will never understand what anybody sees in that movie, but different folks different strokes.

Randy said...

You definitely are the kind of guy that a person would want to keep as a friend. Make him work for your friendship! That dude did something that only a coward and a bastard would do. Now it's time to see what kind of friend he really is. Don't just accept him back into your life with open arms, because what's to say that he isn't going to do this to you again!? You deserve better than that.

Enzo said...

You are a great guy and an awesome friend. Your friend, the actor, doens't deserve you. But as long as he is your friend, you are doing the right thing by letting him have a chance to make it up to you.

Josh said...

You did the best that you could with a pretty bad situation. Good job with that. Sorry the dude is such an asshole, but maybe he will redeem himself later. If he doesn't kick his ass to the curb

Paul said...

I don't want to get chewed out or anything, but I agree with George. You are a spineless loser if you think that forgiving this guy will make everything better! What is going to happen the next time things get a little bit difficult? DO you really want a friend that's just going to abandon you because he feels a little bit uncomfortable!? You can do better, and you should. Stick up for yourself and move on!

Darren said...

Don't let anybody dictate your own decisions! You are a kind a caring person and you made a really good choice to be the kind of guy that everybody else can admire. I get that other people think that what you did wasn't a smart thing to do, but that is beause they don't understand what it means to be a better friend.

Jamie said...

I don't think that you are a push over or spineless. I think that you are a brave and caring person. Don't let the couple of nay sayers make you change your mind. You are a courageous guy for being the man that you are and making the decisions that you make. Keep it up!

Anonymous said...

You are a sweet guy.

Gray said...

Your dear friend, Trevor, said it best! I agree with him and the others who wrote along the same lines as he.

If none of us made mistakes, they wouldn't put erasers on the end of pencils. Your friend made a mistake: a BIG mistake. I find it admirable that you are willing to give him another chance. I hope he knows that old saying "There are no third chances!"

downunderpants said...

Well you proved me wrong!! :-(

Tommy said...

You are a great guy. Good for you for making the hard choice. Don't let anybody tell you that you made the wrong decision.

Justin said...

I love that comic! It's sooo funny! I am not enttirely sure what it has to do with your post, but I like it just the same! You are a funny guy with a great sense of humor.

As for the rest of the post, I am sorry that your friend sucks. But I think that you are doing the right thing.

Anonymous said...

You are a very patient guy. If I were you I would need to know all the answers now!! I would sit him down and drill him with a million different questions until i felt like he could answer everything that I had questions about! Your patince is an amazing asset, and I am very jealous of you and your ability to stay level headed.


J.T.