Wednesday, February 20, 2008

An overdue conversation

I don't get it. You left your career behind so you could go back to school and one day get a job sitting behind a desk getting fat!? That's not you! Surfing is in your blood and I don't care how good you are at math, it's never going to be a part of you like surfing is. I feel sorry for you because the way you left things, there's no going back. You have completely burned all your bridges walking out the way you did.

I have never seen so many people bend over backwards to try and accommodate somebody who in the grand scheme of things, really didn't matter! No offense. But they did it because they saw in you the potential for greatness. Then you shit all over everything that everybody offered to you on a silver platter. And maybe that's the problem. Everything has always been so goddamn easy for you! You don't understand what it's like to work hard, and to struggle to accomplish something because everything that you do you are naturally the best at.

I am sorry dude, I am just so frustrated with you and I don't understand! You and me, we came up together. We have spent years working hard and it was almost time for us to be in the spotlight. My whole life I always knew you wanted this as much as I did and then all of a sudden you didn't. What the fuck changed!?

I have been dreading this for years. But I am a little shocked by how much you actually care about this. I don't really know what to tell you. The truth is I am as much in love with surfing today, as I was the very first time I ever rode a wave. It's just that all the rest of it was too hard to deal with. The pressure to succeed alone was enough to drive me crazy, but that wasn't it. It was that feeling I got when I walked into a room that was full of guys I had known for years and being completely terrified. Terrified that I was going to say the wrong thing, or do the wrong thing and completely give myself away. Because what would they say, or what would they do, if they knew...

That I am gay.

No comments: