Thursday, August 28, 2008

Hapa Pride!

Lately everybody seems to be obsessed with mutts like myself! As if being half Asian half White affords me access to this new elite race of superior human beings. I do agree that in general, we are smarter, prettier, and did I mention prettier? But there are a lot of things that I find separate us from each other, and like anything else the rarest of the breeds are ALWAYS the best!

Recently I was having a conversation with a few friends of mine on this very topic. It’s a conversation that I have had a million times before, but this time I finally had another person with me who was able to corroborate what I was saying! So in the end together we were able to prove my point and by extension (of me being right) eventually bring an end to world hunger and peace on earth & good will towards men.

I am pretty sure that if we are truly honest with ourselves, we are all in some way just like our parents. Not only does that mean one day we too will be working class stiffs with a house, a yard, a few kids and a dog, but also that path we choose to get there usually parallels their own. You guys might ask what this has to do with anything, but I’m getting there so hold your fucking horses!

A white friend of mine, Dick, thinks that all Hapas are created equal and in his eyes we are all super cool in a happening sort of way. I on the other hand do not agree with that statement at all! Give me 5 minutes with a halfsy and I can tell you almost beyond a shadow of a doubt whether they are my kind of Hapa, or if they are from the dime a dozen bargain bin.

Now this is where my previous statement about being just like our parents comes in. Most White/Asian couples are between a White guy and an Asian girl, and it’s always some drop dead gorgeous Asian chick and the geekiest most homely White guy since the invention of White homely guys. An Asian chick marries a white guy because she loves him, but an Asian chick falls in love with a White guy because she knows her parents will hate him just enough to think of her as a rebel but like him enough to not disown her because they know he will be a good provider. The bottom line that no self respecting modern girl will ever admit to (which only makes this MORE TRUE) is that deep down every girl wants to be rescued and taken care of, but at the same time have that small sense of danger/rebellion/uniqueness about them.

Since basically we are all just like our parents, two types of personalities inevitably rise from the loins of these couples; nerdy loser guys that stay home playing D&D listening to Metallica and Dragonforce, and ridiculously ditzy girls that are over the top turbo sluts. The guys have absolutely no self confidence or social abilities because they didn’t exactly get the best of genes to begin with, and the girls are all really easy because they are super insecure about being half Asian and overcompensate by sleeping with the entire football team.

Now over to the rarity, the Asian guy and White girl couples. There are many reasons why we don’t see a lot of them around, but I think the biggest reason has to do with confidence. If you are not Asian it’s impossible for you to understand how hard it is to be a strong confident male in America, or any White dominated westernized society. Our society wasn’t made for Asians and it doesn’t represent us in any way shape or form, ESPECIALLY in the media and even more so if you are an Asian male. Like I said, you have to be Asian to understand this, but who do we have to look up to while growing up that we can see ourselves in? Any other ethnicity out there, you can find at least one guy in the media that represents his people in a positive way: superhero, fire fighter, captain of the football team, president of the student council, lady’s man. Sorry not if you’re an Asian guy!

So for an Asian guy to break out of the chains that his world has bound him in and refuse to conform to the way society thinks he should be, he needs balls! These guys are mother fizucking badasses! They are mostly always the Asian guys that all the other Asians shun and call “twinkies” (come on guys get your minds out of the gutter! It means yellow on the outside but white on the inside!) but deep down wish they could be just like us. The guys from this category that choose to marry white women do so not because they are white, but because they are looking for that same confidence they have in themselves. The offspring of the Asian dudes and White girls are the cream of the fucking crop! The guys are the captains of the team, the presidents of student council, Mr. Popular, and the big man on campus. And the ladies are just like the guys in the sense that they too have the confidence in themselves that their generic Hapa counterparts do not.

Of course there’s always an exception to the rule, and every once in awhile you may come across an anomaly that goes against my extremely offensive stereotyping. But in general it takes no more than tossing a football to automatically know if the Hapa you are talking with has an Asian for a mother, or a father.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

My + Ass = KICKED!

I have had this memory from my childhood stuck in my head for a while. I am 8 and I am sitting in the back of a truck with my uncle Mike getting a ride home from school (who the fuck lets an 8 year old ride in the truck bed!?). Mike’s 3 years older than me, but he got held back, so we are in the same grade. My mother is sitting in the front of the truck with my stepdad and they are screaming at each other. When we pull up to my house, Mike jumps out and leaves his backpack, so I stay behind to grab it. As I toss it down to Mike, my mother gets out of the car and slams the door. At that moment I make eye contact with my stepdad in the rearview mirror, then he slams on the gas and peels out. My next memory is of my uncle Mike crying hysterically refusing to leave my side as the paramedics load me into the ambulance.

It’s an odd thing to think about, I know! It was just something that popped in my head recently, and ever since, I haven’t been able to get it out of my head. There I was in the room with Mike thinking to myself, HOW THE FUCK DID I LET MYSELF GET INTO THIS SITUATION!? The second I knew he was home I should have done a 180 and gotten the fuck out of there. BUT I didn’t! Instead I went right in and tried to grab all the stuff I came to get my mother’s house. She was at work, and all the kids were elsewhere and this would be my only chance for a long time to actually be in the house without my mother harassing me! Johnny and I drove all the way up from San Diego for my social security card and a couple of my old surfboards, and I wasn’t about to let Mike ruin this for me.

I gave Johnny the keys to the garage so he could load up the surfboards and I went into the house to grab my social security card. I knew Mike was there even before I walked into the house because I could smell his nasty ditch weed from the driveway. Thinking about it now, maybe a small part of me wanted a confrontation because of the way we left things the last time I saw him. Right now I am stronger, more confident and better trained than I have been in my entire life, and maybe I wanted to see if it was enough. Well, if I wanted a fight, I got exactly what I wanted…

He was in my face the second I walked into the door. At first he was just calling me names and being an asshole, but then he pushed me into the wall with so much force that it knocked down almost all the pictures. I think this was the moment where I realized confronting Mike was a bad idea. It doesn’t really matter how well trained I am because he’s still 6’3 and 240 and I am still NOT. But it was too late because I wasn’t about to back down AGAIN! I may be a “fag”, but I am nobody’s bitch! And I refuse to let anybody treat me as such.

So I grabbed the hand he was using to pin me against the wall by his pinky, and in one fast motion I twisted his arm so he spun with his back to me. Then I lifted it as high as I could and proceeded to knee him in the kidney with all my strength. At this point all my adrenaline was gone, and I was left with this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that I was about to get my ass handed to me. That’s when he turned around and punched me so hard in the stomach that my whole body just locked up. I couldn’t move, much less breath. I totally just fell to the floor and crumpled into a ball. He was screaming stuff at me but I couldn’t really process the words. Then he kicked me, it hurt. A lot. I guess that’s when this memory from my childhood of him standing over me popped into my head. One second I was seeing stars, doing my best to prepare myself for the next blow the next I hear Johnny storming into the house.

It was over pretty fast, Mike’s a pussy if he’s in a fight with somebody his own size. Still Johnny didn’t exactly let him off easy. I think Mike’s going to need some stitches, and maybe a neck brace... When Johnny got me in the car and when we got back on the road I started crying. It wasn’t soft quiet manly crying where I could pretend there was something in my eye, it was loud embarrassing snot and tears and hysteria. I couldn’t get that memory of my 11 year old uncle crying over me as if his world just ended all because I was hurt. It was such an odd juxtaposition to the situation we just came from. Even more than that I just felt so alone and unloved. Like a few years ago I had all these people in my family that would have done anything for me just to make sure I was okay, but now I am all alone. A person that just walked into my life yesterday would never believe that there was once a time when I was loved.

It was all just so overwhelming and all I could do was cry. So I did. Johnny pulled the car over and hugged me so tight I thought I would suffocate. And I just kept on crying. I felt so goddamned ridiculous acting like such a bitch, but I couldn’t stop. Eventually I calmed down and when I was done we were just pulling up to Tyler’s pad in Culver City. We picked up Tyler and went out for some beers. Eventually we let Tyler in on our crazy day with my uncle, and I did my best to laugh it off, but before I knew it I felt those hot tears rolling down my cheeks. I seriously need to head to the store later and pick up some thicker skin.

We left the bar and went for a nice walk down the beach, and we had an amazing talk where I actually started to feel better. Tyler has always been good at cheering me up, I guess that’s why he’s my best friend. Johnny and I got into his car to drive back to SD around midnight. About an hour into our drive Johnny told me some awesome things, and he basically reaffirmed everything that Tyler had said to me a couple hours earlier. I am his best friend, I am never alone, I will always be loved. I am the luckiest guy in the world because I have 2 best friends and they are my brothers.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Momma Drama

My mom called me last week, I didn’t answer. I let it go to voicemail and I didn’t listen to the voicemail for 5 days. Every time my mom calls I have a lot of anxiety about answering the phone because all of her calls always end with me in the fetal position. I even have issues listening to her voicemails, because she has this awesome ability to have one sided conversations with my voicemail that end with a very similar result of me in the fetal position. Finally I decided it was time to give it a listen, and surprise surprise she was asking for money. A LOT of money. Like I could buy a new car with all the bells and whistles and still have enough to go out for a really fancy dinner at the swankiest restaurant in LA.

I am not going to lie, my first thought was to call her back and tell her to fuck off. How the hell could she have the nerve to ask me for anything after all the shit she’s put me through!? But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that she wouldn’t have come to me for ANYTHING if she could help it. I know my mother and she’s not a greedy person. So if she’s asking me for money I know she’s already exhausted every other option available to her, and she really needs it. It took me less than a minute to decide to log onto my computer and transfer the money into her bank account. I didn’t stop giving her money so she would suffer. I stopped giving her money because it was easier for me to push all of our bullshit out of my mind when I didn’t have this monthly reminder mocking me. I don’t want her to struggle, and I don’t want her to be unhappy just because she won’t be a part of my life the way I want her to be.

I told Tyler about this because just hearing my mom’s voice again just brought up all the same insecurities and depression she always makes me feel. Tyler was pretty annoyed with me for giving into her so easily. He does his best to hold his tongue when it comes to my mother, but he says it all with his body language and tone of voice. I guess the thing that stuck with me the most is when he asked me a question. How is my mother ever going to learn to respect me, when I clearly don’t respect myself? But I honestly don’t see it that way at all.

I guess the best example of what I am doing would be from my own father. Much like my mother I am not speaking to him either. For very different reasons, but in the end the results are all pretty much the same. Still every month my father pays my health insurance, which isn’t cheap at all (over $1,000 a month), I have been labeled “uninsurable” because of all my injuries and chronic health problems. He does this because even though I am not speaking to him, I am still his son, I need this, and he has it to give. What kind of man would I be if I didn’t help somebody out in their time of need, when I clearly depend on others in my own?

I see where Tyler’s coming from, but this has nothing to do with respecting myself. I did it because I know if the roles were reversed she would do the same for me. Tyler says I don’t deserve to be treated this way, but I believe we all get what we deserve. Maybe I am getting what I deserve, maybe she is too. I am not trying to achieve some kind of moral victory and I don’t think doing this for my mother is going to change how she feels about me. I really don’t feel like I am a push over either! I’m honestly just trying to do the right thing.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Burned out!!!

I am so freakin physically and emotionally drained right now. When I first got home from camp it didn't real hit me, but after I had a day or two to actually relax and soak in the fact that it was over it hit me like a ton of bricks! All I have been doing all week long is catching up on all my missed television and eating like I food has been absent from my life since 1998. After a week of nonstop Television the only thing I have to say is, FANNYPACK WAS ROBBED!!! I can not stand So Real Crew and I know I am Filipino so I should like be proud or whatever when a group of them actually get noticed for their talent, but for some reason I just can't stand them. Plus Fanny pack is the bomb-diggity! I am so full of righteous indignation for them that I have decided to boycot the finale of America's Best Dance Crew.

I have received a buttload of emails in the past 2 months, but due to all my excessive travels I haven't been able to respond to any of them. I am at the point now where my emails are starting to spill onto a second page and responding to them is becoming less and less appealing. I am still trying to recover from my crazy summer, and I don't really have the will to do anything too analytical at the moment. Throw in the fact that I am one step above being illiterate and my massive untreated case of ADHD, and this is going to be one of the most arduous tasks of 2008. So it may be awhile before I actually get to your emails, but I SWEAR if it takes me all my life I will eventually respond to all of them! In the mean time leave a comment, I used to hate them but little by little they are growing on me... Especially because I don't feel guilty for not responding to them!

Anyway tonight I having a few friends over. We plan on smoking pot and watching really cheesy comedies while consuming massive ammounts of junk food. Its really sad that this is going to be the most productive I have been all week long. Like I stated earlier, please don't expect an email anytime soon! I WILL GET TO THEM! I just don't know when exactly... I need some time to recover after this crazy nonstop summer.

Friday, August 15, 2008

My Top 5

I know I keep on saying it, but this summer was AMAZING! Quite possibly the best summer of my life! So many awesome things happened, things that made me smile, made me laugh, and made me cry. So many memories, all of them more valuable than all the money in the world. Here are my top 5 favorite moments caught on camera.

This first pick is about this amazing afternoon I had one day in Polynesia. There was a boogie border on the beach trying to bogart all our waves… So I took his boogie board and I showed him what it could really do. It’s hard to keep on going out there swinging your cock around when some guy comes up to you and dick slaps you with one 4 times your size, figuratively speaking that is… Needless to say, I shredded the gnar, and the pansy ass boogie boarder backed the fuck off! Good afternoon indeed!

Well… When you gotta go, you gotta go… And what can I say? We had to go! You don’t truly bond with a guy until you take a piss with him. It takes a lot to actually be in my circle of friends, so it’s always a perfect day when I reach the point with a person where I can actually call them one. F.Y.I. I am only partially joking about that whole urination comment…

Does this man-bag make me look gay? The sign made me laugh, but what’s funnier is that after I took this picture there were like 9 other guys I didn’t even know walking up to the sign to take the very same picture! I am such the trendsetter its ridiculous. I guess I always knew that EVERYBODY out there wanted to be just like RGB, but it’s still weird to actually see it in motion.

Sometimes (and don’t bite my head off for speaking such sacrilege) and by sometimes I mean RARELY! You need to take some time away from the ocean and let your wetsuit dry a little. If I lived to be 1000 I don’t think I will ever find a more beautiful place to pool skate. Check out that scenery, it’s almost unreal isn’t it? It goes against everything I stand for, but I am going to say it anyway! BEST AFTERNOON EVER!! skateboards and all...

Bradley has to shave his body hair off for his sport, so I had forgotten how hairy he actually is. I love me my hairy man, and remembering this all over again gets me all hot and bothered. He's passed out after a day of crazy surfing and shenanigans. Of course every moment I spent with my guy was probably one of the best ever, but I want to be a little superficial and say that THE BEST was waking him up by rubbing all over those hair legs...

Wednesday, August 13, 2008


This summer has been FUCKING AMAZING! I traveled the world, I hung out with some awesome people, and I got to spend some serious quality time with the man I love. I am a little sad that there's no more traveling in my immediate future, but GOD DAMN does it feel good to be over and done with it all! I am horny as fuck and tired as hell, and those two things just don't go together very well.

When we got home this afternoon, Bradley went straight for the shower to shave off all his body hair then head straight for practice, I went to bed. To be 19 again... I have NO IDEA where he gets all this energy from, but when he gets home in a half hour I am pretty sure he's going straight to bed! Which of course means that I am going to have to stay horny till tomorrow morning... Le sigh... I would stab myself in the face if I were a varsity college athlete!

Monday, August 11, 2008

Just a Reminder...

Growing up I never really had an opportunity to make friends my own age. In school all the kids were 2 to 3 years older than me, and if you tacked on my extracurricular activities, school pretty much monopolized ALL of my time. Then came the summer, and like I had done every summer since I was 10, I spent the day being a Junior Lifeguard. The Junior Lifeguards was a lot like the Boy Scouts, except the boys in the Junior Lifeguards actually had penises! For a few hours a day, I got to hang with guys my own age, and it almost felt like I was normal. At the beach nobody cared that I was a boy genius because physical fitness was the great equalizer (of course I was just slightly better than everybody else, so that didn’t hurt either).

The beach was where I found my identity, but more specifically, the Junior Lifeguards. It was more than discovering my love for the ocean, perfecting my surf skills, and learning how to save lives; it was a lifestyle, it was a frame of mind, and it was the beginning of what made me who I am today. All this face time with the only woman I ever got an erection for (mother nature), without actually thinking about a guy while I was screwing her anyway, has helped me to remember what it is I used to be passionate about. This in turn got me all nostalgic for the good old days, so I was a little more than shocked when all this nostalgia culminated in running into an old friend from the Junior Lifeguards here in Costa Rica.

Chris is in charge of all the surf instructors and guides here at the surf resort we are staying at. I haven’t seen the dude in six years, and in this time he’s grown a foot and gained about 30 lbs of the SEXIEST muscle EVER! The irony that a guy who went to a state college and majored in recreation got the same job as a guy who went to an ivy league and received an engineering degree isn’t lost on me either. In the end I definitely think Chris was the smarter man because he never wasted the time trying to be something he wasn’t like I did.

When Chris first showed me this picture I couldn’t stop laughing! This was right after my senior year and it was my last day of Junior Lifeguards. It was all about physical fitness, endurance, camaraderie, and saving lives, and of course doing it a little better and a little faster than everybody around us. This was taken at the beginning of the Junior Lifeguard Championships. We were totally pumped and we KNEW we were going to dominate the entire day. We all had these goofy smiles and a look of pure cocky pride that only a teenager with raging hormones like us could produce.

Lately I have been so caught up in figuring out the right way to be a grownup. I have become obsessed with trying to find myself the perfect 9 to 5 where I could maybe at best tolerate some awful job that would slowly drive me crazy in hopes that one day I could retire and spend the last days of my miserable existence watching reruns of Project Runway on Nick at Night. Every guy in this picture has gone on to achieve greatness. Maybe not in the eyes of society in general, but in my eyes absolute greatness because they unapologetically pursued what they loved. It took them moments to know what it took me years to figure out, It’s not about the destination, its about the journey.

Sunday, August 03, 2008


Being back with Bradley definitely helps put my mind at ease. But I have to say that while I was away with the surfers, I totally made a friend out of my CIT Will. The dude is an awesome guy to be around and he's always down for having a good time. When I was feeling like shit, he noticed and he was able to pick up the slack big time. Without him this last week would have been absolute HELL!

Will is one of those all around cocky surfer boys who only lives for a good wave and a good time. So I was more than a little surprised to see how much he cared and how far out of his way he went to help me out. As always, I feel extremely lucky there was somebody around I could depend on in my time of need. I seem to luck out in this department time and time again.