Thursday, August 28, 2008

Hapa Pride!



Lately everybody seems to be obsessed with mutts like myself! As if being half Asian half White affords me access to this new elite race of superior human beings. I do agree that in general, we are smarter, prettier, and did I mention prettier? But there are a lot of things that I find separate us from each other, and like anything else the rarest of the breeds are ALWAYS the best!

Recently I was having a conversation with a few friends of mine on this very topic. It’s a conversation that I have had a million times before, but this time I finally had another person with me who was able to corroborate what I was saying! So in the end together we were able to prove my point and by extension (of me being right) eventually bring an end to world hunger and peace on earth & good will towards men.

I am pretty sure that if we are truly honest with ourselves, we are all in some way just like our parents. Not only does that mean one day we too will be working class stiffs with a house, a yard, a few kids and a dog, but also that path we choose to get there usually parallels their own. You guys might ask what this has to do with anything, but I’m getting there so hold your fucking horses!

A white friend of mine, Dick, thinks that all Hapas are created equal and in his eyes we are all super cool in a happening sort of way. I on the other hand do not agree with that statement at all! Give me 5 minutes with a halfsy and I can tell you almost beyond a shadow of a doubt whether they are my kind of Hapa, or if they are from the dime a dozen bargain bin.

Now this is where my previous statement about being just like our parents comes in. Most White/Asian couples are between a White guy and an Asian girl, and it’s always some drop dead gorgeous Asian chick and the geekiest most homely White guy since the invention of White homely guys. An Asian chick marries a white guy because she loves him, but an Asian chick falls in love with a White guy because she knows her parents will hate him just enough to think of her as a rebel but like him enough to not disown her because they know he will be a good provider. The bottom line that no self respecting modern girl will ever admit to (which only makes this MORE TRUE) is that deep down every girl wants to be rescued and taken care of, but at the same time have that small sense of danger/rebellion/uniqueness about them.

Since basically we are all just like our parents, two types of personalities inevitably rise from the loins of these couples; nerdy loser guys that stay home playing D&D listening to Metallica and Dragonforce, and ridiculously ditzy girls that are over the top turbo sluts. The guys have absolutely no self confidence or social abilities because they didn’t exactly get the best of genes to begin with, and the girls are all really easy because they are super insecure about being half Asian and overcompensate by sleeping with the entire football team.

Now over to the rarity, the Asian guy and White girl couples. There are many reasons why we don’t see a lot of them around, but I think the biggest reason has to do with confidence. If you are not Asian it’s impossible for you to understand how hard it is to be a strong confident male in America, or any White dominated westernized society. Our society wasn’t made for Asians and it doesn’t represent us in any way shape or form, ESPECIALLY in the media and even more so if you are an Asian male. Like I said, you have to be Asian to understand this, but who do we have to look up to while growing up that we can see ourselves in? Any other ethnicity out there, you can find at least one guy in the media that represents his people in a positive way: superhero, fire fighter, captain of the football team, president of the student council, lady’s man. Sorry not if you’re an Asian guy!

So for an Asian guy to break out of the chains that his world has bound him in and refuse to conform to the way society thinks he should be, he needs balls! These guys are mother fizucking badasses! They are mostly always the Asian guys that all the other Asians shun and call “twinkies” (come on guys get your minds out of the gutter! It means yellow on the outside but white on the inside!) but deep down wish they could be just like us. The guys from this category that choose to marry white women do so not because they are white, but because they are looking for that same confidence they have in themselves. The offspring of the Asian dudes and White girls are the cream of the fucking crop! The guys are the captains of the team, the presidents of student council, Mr. Popular, and the big man on campus. And the ladies are just like the guys in the sense that they too have the confidence in themselves that their generic Hapa counterparts do not.

Of course there’s always an exception to the rule, and every once in awhile you may come across an anomaly that goes against my extremely offensive stereotyping. But in general it takes no more than tossing a football to automatically know if the Hapa you are talking with has an Asian for a mother, or a father.


14 comments:

Trevor said...

hAHAHA! You are such a dick! I have an Asian mom and a white dad! I don't care if you are right about this, cuz you are, that was mean! I guess its good 2 know I can blame my dad for my loser nerdiness though. See, its funny cuz its true!

John said...

I have an asian mom and I was the biggest loser ever in HS. I used to think it was because I was gay and shy about that but now I know its becuase my dad was a loser too! Thanks for sharing this made me feel so much better about myself! ;)

Jason said...

Now I am all sad because I don't get to join in on the half asian comment string. But I do like me some Hapa boys if I do say so myself... MMMmmmmm GOOOD!

D.U.P said...

Hey matey, just letting you know D.U.P is back!!

Anonymous said...

You really are full of yourself. You make all these bold statements about hating people who judge you on the spot. Then you turn around and do exactly what you say people shouldn't do! You are a hypocrite.

Anonymous said...

DRIVEL!

Mike said...

RGB why don't you manage your comments, read them before you allow them to be posted. I hate reading the anonymous HATERS comments.

RGB said...

I really don't mind criticism. But one word with multiple meanings and no context really leaves me wondering... Am I stupid, or do I just drool WAY too much?

Anonymous said...

Interesting... although I have to admit on fall on your cream of the crop hapa said ;) (my dad is asian, mom is white) I would love to see some real research on this! Do you think it has to do with the way we are encultured in the US? There could be links between values our fathers and mothers place on things and whether the asian or caucasian side is dominant!

So be a good little asian now and go do some research on this!!! :P

jiseeka said...

I'd like to know why most asian guys r racist. my mom's korean & my dad's white & im smart & pretty. but asian guys dont like me bcuz im not full asian. well u know what all u full asian guys? go fuck yourselves. i know im hot & i dont need a small dick anyways. that really pisses me off, though. so all u asian guys, please explain this widely distributed preference to me. is it intimidation, racism, or just being retarded?

Anonymous said...

I have an asian Dad and a white mom. My dad wasn't around growing up so I grew up with only white influences. I am the ultimate "twinkie"

This being said, coming up through all stages of schooling I was considered "popular" and was an exceptional athlete along with having the attention of a lot of girls. I found your thoughts intriging and very interesting.

Alvin said...

Very late to the party, but wanted to comment on this post. I'm a gay Asian male here that's been called a twinkie all his life. I don't believe stereotypes are true because of genetics (therefore being a certain race doesn't mean for sure you're going to exhibit those characteristics), but mostly because of culture. I've noticed the same pattern with Hapas with Asian male fathers.

The only part that bothers me, is that while I have a bit of European blood, I look physically "pure" Asian, and when people call me a twink on one hand, and compliment me on being confident and well-spoken on the other hand -- it's a bit of a backhanded insult.

Keep up the great posts man, been reading from your first post about Bradley on (clicked through to your blog from DTB)

Anonymous said...

I love this! I'm one of the "offspring of the Asian dudes and White girls [that] are the cream of the fucking crop!" And I've got to say, this is spot on :)

Diana said...

I know your blogpost is based solely on observation, but I have observed EXACTLY the same things about the pairings. To scientifically research, maybe even prove, this would create way too much controversy, anger and backlash from the public, though...