Catching up

I have been spending a lot of my time with Bradley's brother’s and sisters’ significant others. I guess the thing I am most proud of is how we have finally mastered the art of being good supportive boyfriends/girlfriends. When it comes to being with our other halves, its hard to find an equilibrium with the time we spend with them because on one hand we want to be there to support them and on the other we want to give them their space and time as a family. These last few weeks have been extremely confusing in terms of figuring out how we fit into this whole scenario. We had all been asked to be here, but at the same time there were certain moments where we honestly felt like we were intruding on something private.

It's really weird getting to know the significant others because the thing that I have come to realize over the last couple of weeks is that we are all VERY similar. The Bradley clan definitely has a type and I guess I am it. Together there are 4 of us, 2 guys (counting myself) and 2 girls. The guy is pretty awesome, he teaches Jiu-Jitsu during the year then in late spring and all summer he leads eco-adventures around South America. Girl A is the partial owner of this crazy summer camp that basically takes a bunch of teens across the country hitting all the major camping spots and totally kicking it Little House on the Prairie style! Girl B much like myself is currently unemployed, and spends the majority of her time surfing and being awesome. I think the Bradley siblings like to seek out the kind of person who thrives on nontraditional lifestyles and doesn‘t mesh well with the rest of society, then they use their ridiculous good looks and charm to slowly domesticate us. And looking at the 4 of us is evidence that not only can they do it, but it's a lot easier than I originally thought.

Apart from all my time here in SB, I have been spending a lot of time commuting to LA with Jiu-Jitsu guy. He teaches in LA and I have my little brother that I am constantly worrying about, so we drive down 3 days a week and we handle our business. My little brother is turning into quite the pimp, and it’s taking a lot of patience and maturity to not beat some sense into him! He’s a good looking boy, and for a 14 year old he’s a lot more developed than most kids his age which tends to land him boys a little too old for MY comfort level.

Last week we were having a casual discussion about boys, when he started to tell me about this kid at school he’s been “talking to” lately. When I pushed for more info he tried to casually slip in that the dude was 18, and I totally went ape shit! I mean COME ON!? My brother is 14 and has no business being with somebody old enough to vote! I did my best to be the cool brother who understands shit like this, but I couldn’t! I mean really!? REALLY!? So I did what any good big brother would do and I took my brother’s cell, found the guys #, then called him and told him if I caught them together I would break every bone in his body, then drag him by his dick to the nearest police station and have him arrested for statutory rape. Needless to say, my little brother is a little angry with me at the moment…

Last week in SB the waves were BEAUTIFUL! Girl B and I had no choice but to grab our boards and throw ourselves right in the mix. Oh man! It was honestly one of the best times I have had in the ocean in quite awhile. I caught air a bunch of times and landed some tricks that I have been messing around with for awhile. When we came out of the water I felt good about myself, like I had finally accomplished something that I could be proud of for the first time in a long time. As we walked back to our car my chest was puffed out and there was a swagger in my step, then I caught my reflection in the back of the SUV and I smiled and thought to myself, “Hey RGB! It’s nice to have you back again!”.

Things are still pretty difficult here on a daily basis and I am not sure if I see any light at the end of this tunnel, but I do hope. The time Bradley and I spend together is strained and a lot of the times I kind of feel like we are just going through the motions. Sometimes I think I am not sure how much more of this I can take before I totally have a meltdown of my own and fuck everything up because I am to selfish to suck it up and deal. But then I remember how much I love my boyfriend and how I will do anything for him and this is my time to prove that I mean it. I will do whatever it takes to get him through this, and those aren’t just words. I just wish that this all didn’t have to be so fucking difficult!

I have been listening to this song a lot lately. So much in fact that I can now play it perfectly, and sing it a little less perfectly. I dunno it just really feels autobiographical at the moment... You know how that happens sometimes?