Monday, March 02, 2009

Tyler turns OLD!


Friday morning I flew home to LA for the weekend. It was Tyler’s birthday and as always, we brought the fun! The weather was nice and warm (enough to spend about 90% of our time in our board shorts!) and just to throw a little variety into the mix Tyler rented a house on the beach in Malibu for the weekend. By noon on Friday I had already consumed a 6 pack and about 8 shots of Patrón, but I was still thinking pretty clear because I’m no lightweight! Friday was chill because it was family time. Mr. and Mrs. Tyler dropped by and took all of us (Me, Tyler, Jane, & Johnny) to a fancy dinner. Later they gave Tyler his present (and as tradition goes mine too!) this year we got these kick ass matching Omega watches!… and Tyler got a bunch of other junk that I didn’t really care about because I’d already gotten my present.

Saturday was the day which will live in infamy forever. It started off as any other birthday bash celebration with Jane making some kick ass omelettes and me making fresh hashbrowns. And you can’t have a birthday breakfast without alcohol! We’re classy, so of course we sipped (chugged?) a few bottles of champagne. After we finished, we hit the beach for a quick session and I let everybody admire my mad skills. By the time we got back to the house it was around 1pm and Tyler decided it was imperative we hit the store and get me some proper clothes for our super birthday bash (BTW what’s the deal with all my friends dressing me!? I am a grown ass man and am FULLY capable of dressing myself thank you very much!).

So we hit the stores and I will spare you guys the pain and anguish I had to suffer arguing over the finer details of my party outfit. After what I was put through last weekend I wasn’t going to let this turn into another crotch debacle! Jane was extremely aggressive and kind of mean though, so for the most part it was a losing battle… In the end I walked away with only a few minor cuts and bruises and only feeling like a 9 (out of 10 of course) on the tool bag scale. I got some black and white Samba Adidas, some ridiculously overpriced dark jeans, an obscenely expensive button up shirt, and a STUPID vest (there was a tie but I “accidentally” forgot it when we were getting ready later that evening). I guess the positive thing about the outfit was that I didn’t look like a hipster with the outline of my cock going down my left leg! The negative was, instead I looked like I wanted to be Justin Timberlake when I grew up.

By the time we got back to the house, it was time to start getting ready for the main event. The first part of the party would be taking place at this crazy high end “gentlemen’s club”, and then the people we actually liked were invited back to the house for the more intimate party (read heavy drinking, drug use and sex). I am just going to cut to the chase because I have danced around this for a few paragraphs already. I had sex with a woman I met at the strip club. And it was fucking HOT!

She served me my first 10 drinks of the night. The second she walked up to me, she caught my eye! I have a weakness for a very specific type of girl, and she was like a brick of kryptonite melting my gay away every time she smiled at me. When it was time to go I invited her to the REAL party back in Malibu. When she said she’d think about it, I KNEW she would be there! On the ride home EVERYBODY was making fun of me about the way I was all over the poor cocktail waitress and they totally flipped once I told them I’d invited her to the party. They asked me what I was doing, and I told them I was just having fun like them.

Two hours later she showed up at the front door with a couple of her friends. I learned she’s a Bio major at a local university and she has two really hot friends. An hour later we were making out on a lounge chair in the patio. She stopped me and put on her “I swear I never do this” act and did her best to pretend she was innocent, so I did my best to pretend I believed her. I asked her if she wanted to take this to the bedroom, she did. The first room was locked, so were the second and the third! On our fourth try we walked in on Tyler and two bro-hoes (complete with bleached blond hair, fake tits, and a butterfly tramp stamp) butt naked on the floor! I quickly extricated myself before I was asked to join in on the fun and we continued our search for an empty bedroom. Fifth time’s the charm. Then the heavens opened up and the angels sang, it took me about 1 minute to be 100% sure that this girl was the furthest thing from innocent. A couple hours after we got started her friends texted her letting her know they wanted to get going soon. It was just after 2 am so she decided we should finish up and she was going to head home. I was a little sad because I could have gone another 2 hours easy.

Don’t worry, I’M STILL GAY! But god damn I would be lying if I didn’t say that was in my top 3 one night stand list. As I went back to the party Jane found me (she tackled me if we’re being precise) and demanded to know where I had been and what I was doing. Sometimes she can be a nosy bitch! So I looked up at her and I said, ”Smell my finger.”. She gave me the dirtiest look EVER, then she punched me and we both spent the rest of the night laughing.

Last year I said something about I felt like the younger brother trying to hang out with all his older cooler siblings. I don't feel like that anymore. I now realize that after a certain age we stop maturing, and everything I saw in my friends is also in me. I just needed to become more confident in myself and my life choices, which I definitely am. I like how I can look back on all these entries and see exactly where I was a year ago and KNOW that I am different. It's a good feeling.

I am back in NYC since yesterday night. It started snowing on my ride back into the city. It snowed again this morning, and I think it might be snowing right now. I can't believe that yesterday I was running around outside in my underwear! It's currently 1 degree outside at this very moment. Somebody kill me now!

9 comments:

Xico de Cadoro said...

as usual RGB, reading your posts is entertaining and fun. good for you, you can experience/enjoy women.I'm a big believer that sex is not only about dick or pussy, but more about "Shazzam !" attraction ! and Up goes Mister Happy !
...nevertheless I must disagree with one particular point you make :"I now realize that after a certain age we stop maturing". Nope, one never stops maturing, questioning, evolving, processing... its what keeps us curious, fresh and young...

kisses from Xico

Anonymous said...

"Smell my finger" LOL!! That was crude and disgusting, but hilarious all at the same time!

Jason said...

You're such a dog! But I already knew that. What I want to know is what was going on in Tyler's room with the Bro-hoes and the almost invite to join in! Sounds hot! WAY HOT!

Trevor said...

You are a big fat slut! I am now positive you will fuck anybody with a gym body and a half decent smile. I am not claiming to be much better than you, but at least I keep to one gender! You my friend are going to Hades in a hand basket! That poor unsuspecting girl has no idea she was screwed by a home.

Freud said...

Dude?

"Later they gave Bradley his present (and as tradition goes mine too!) this year we got these kick ass matching Omega watches!"

RGB said...

When we were in the 4th grade Tyler and I went to Disneyland for his birthday. There was a lot of drama in my life right around that time and I hadn't had a birthday celebration of my own a few months earlier. So the Mr.& Mrs. Tyler got me a present on Tyler's Bday. It kind of just became a tradition after that. I know it sounds stupid, it's just a thing we do...

Emma said...

I think Freud meant that you mixed up the names of your ex and Tyler a bit...hence the Freud I guess.

Mike (aka Freud) said...

I should have let it slide, but I read it like six times trying to figure out the meaning. I'm a slow reader. I mouth the words.

RGB said...

o got it... pardon me while i go sit in the bathroom and cry for the rest of the afternoon. i didn't even notice that.