Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Stop the Linsanity!

Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successfull personality and duplicate it.
Bruce Lee

So last week I read this blog post about “linsanity” and it really pissed me off! Like so much so that I wasn’t even able to fully articulate my anger into cogent sentences and I went all rage troll on this guy’s comments section. Basically he felt that the success of Jeremy Lin has been the catalyst in society that allows Asian Men to be seen as sexual beings. Like somehow Mr. Lin being good at basketball makes me a more viable option to the people I want to fuck. Obviously some of this anger was coming from my recent falling out with Eddie and how that whole mess went down, but reading this guy's views on all of this, it just felt like deja vu!

This writer was already on thin ice when he said something about Jeremy Lin being the first Asian American “stud”, completely ignoring my personal lord and savior, Mr. Bruce Lee. But then, towards the end where he wrote, “…our basketball whiz kid has given the rest of us balls.” that really set off my rage reflex!


How the hell is some random person on the internet going to tell me that before Jeremy Lin existed in the media zeitgeist, I was a eunuch!? How does this guy, who has now been read by thousands of people, unilaterally decide that an entire race of men have no balls!? I can pretty much guarantee you that nobody has ever been in a room with me, and didn’t think I was man enough to handle my shit!

This is the same BULLSHIT I have been hearing since my freshmen year in college, 11 years ago! Any and EVERY SINGLE Asian American liberal arts major, spends hours pontificating over this same nonsense. It’s so easy to blame western society for the desexualization of the Asian Male, because for the most part that’s just how it is. They think they're clever because they have identified this marked disparity in how Asian male's get treated vs EVERYBODY else. In the end they bitch and complain and do absolutely nothing productive dealing with this issue because it's "society's fault" not theirs.

Another big point of contention with this guy, was that Jeremy Lin has been the first big Asian role model. Obviously the first thing I thought to myself was, BRUCE LEE! One of the greatest athletes, actors, HUMAN BEINGS to ever walk this earth! There are SOO MANY Asian American guys who've achieved A LOT and wouldn't appreciate this fallacy that Jeremy Lin has now made them fully realized men!

Did these guys wait for the world to tell them it was okay to have internationally successful music? Are these guys also lady boy eunuchs who owe their manliness to Jeremy Lim? NO! They forced their way into a genre and lifestyle where they weren't even welcome, and they MADE the world recognize them!

This dude right here, has made an entire career out of NOT BEING A STEREOTYPE! I respect him so much for recognizing the problems he would face in the industry, and then succeeding anyway.

"If you want to ride the ultimate wave, you have to be willing to pay the ultimate price"

This MAN was one of the most badass surfers to have ever caught a wave! His charisma, skill, and machismo helped bring surfing to the world in a way that it hadn't before! NOBODY ever thought that he didn't have his balls, because they just don't come any bigger than this man's low hangers!

The quiet, studious nerds, who sit around doing homework and playing video games; who the hell would want to sexualize that in the first place!? If you don’t like it, there’s a pretty easy fix, CHANGE IT! You can't wait for the world to tell you when it's okay to be different, powerful, manly, or sexual; you just have to go out into the world and OWN these things! I am loud, cocky, I know what I want, and I ALWAYS get it! I am not going to sit quietly and ask for permission to be a man, and if you have a problem with that I will whip out my manhood and knock you across the face with it because, “FUCK YOU!”

As a proud Asian American working in the sports and entertainment industries for most of my life, there is SO MUCH I want to say about this! But it's just so overwhelming and completely ridiculous all at the same time. In all honesty I feel like Asians in America have moved well beyond the stereotypes and prejudices that once bound us. A long time ago, we plateaued and we quit striving for that next big milestone. More than anything this barrier between us and them, comes right down to attitude and personality.

2002. I was a kissing booth for charity. Raised $2000 in an hour. AT A COLLEGE FUNDRAISER! Look me in the eye and tell me it could've happened if I wasn't sexually desirable to all the people who wanted to kiss me.

I could go on for days about this, but I am SO OVER thinking about this bull-sense! SO I would just like to say one more thing; Been having my balls since 1985!

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

I think about you far more than I care to admit...


You're the most understanding person I have ever met. You make me feel like I am the most sane and level headed person who's ever walked this planet. Your smile is like pure sunshine and it makes me melt every time. Tracing your abs with my finger always gives me the hugest erection EVER. I love you, and I can't wait to spend forever with you.

Yours always,


Thursday, February 02, 2012

Just bitching a little

I have a pretty terrible reputation in the industry for being flighty, unavailable, difficult, and arrogant. But that’s just mostly because I despise what I do, and it has very little to do with my ego. I have always relied on the fact that I am extremely talented, creative, and charming to get work when I want it and to be left alone when I didn’t. The cool thing is I am just talented enough to get away with a lot more than your average Joe Blow with a bullshit film school degree but that’s also the problem. I know I’m good, they know I’m good, they know that I know that they know how good I really am; this kind of thinking seriously fucks with my moral compass and social conscience.

Years ago, when I first decided to work in film, I signed on with one of the biggest agencies in Hollywood for my representation. For a really long time I wore that as some kind of badge of honor. I kind of felt like everything in the industry would always be this easy for me whenever I decided I wanted it. When I was 19 I made a documentary that did well in some festivals and I painted some things that hung in famous galleries; SO FUCKING WHAT!? Its 7 years later and what the shit have I done since to deserve this cocky arrogance, open disdain, and bad attitude I project onto everybody!? I have no fucking clue how anybody puts up with my shit because if I had to deal with me, I would kick my own ass.

I feel like my biggest problem is my lack of growth as an artist. As a teenager I had this cool, unique and edgie point of view. I am no longer a teenager, my worldview has definitely changed a whole lot, but my art is still exactly the same! And that drives me fucking nuts! I am disgusted with everything I create so much that I can’t even deal with it. But it doesn’t even matter because I still have people kissing my ass and offering me buckets of money for more! And this is where the vicious cycle of loathing and self-hate begins…

I am starting to realize that the more time I spend in this industry, the less I like myself. I absolutely hate what my creative process has become. I HATE the way I have come to think about everything I do in terms of marketability. I feel like some kind of Art Center sellout and I just feel so dirty!

I am currently packing up all my shit and getting ready for my flight tomorrow morning. I am going to NY to attend this show where a few of my pieces are on display. They’re all going to sell, and I am going to hate myself even more. Then I am going to go home and be a grumpy asshole for a hot minute until Brad can pull me out of it with his kisses and hugs.

It’s time to shake things up a whole lot and see what happens…