Monday, May 25, 2009


This week has been insane. A lot of different things have required my full attention at the same time and because of that nothing been getting done properly. I am feeling extremely overwhelmed and I am about 5 seconds from imploding under all this crazy pressure, self-imposed or otherwise!

So what’s weighing me down? I don’t even know where to begin! My duties as man of honor have seriously intensified in the final week of planning, I am currently packing up my apartment never to see it again, pre-camp prep has begun, Tyler and I are not getting along (its all my fault!), and my current job has seen a HUGE jump in clients these past couple weeks and I barely even have time to breath at work anymore! There are probably one or two of those grievances I listed above that you guys are going to want me to dwell on, but that’s probably not going to happen. So let’s move on!

Sleep may be a key problem in my failure to function with any efficiency lately. For some reason I just haven’t been able to do it! It doesn’t seem to matter how active I am or how early\late I choose to go to sleep, I can’t seem to stay asleep for more than 5 hours! I feel like a zombie all the time and I am constantly yawning or wearing sunglasses to hide the dark circles under my eyes! I have decided that this is all due to my ridiculously high stress level from the billion things I need to get done in the next two weeks and that awful feeling that not everything is going to get done.

I sound like such a whiny bitch right now that I kind of want to kick my own ass! The worst part of this whole situation is I could probably improve my circumstances tremendously just by swallowing my pride and talking about what’s going on in my head with the people in my life. But for some reason I am finding it impossible to admit to anybody in real life that I am drowning and I really need somebody to jump in and save me! Shit I am starting to make myself cry now so I am going to go and do something else now.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Guys suck!

I am frustrated and angry and just soo AHHHH!!!! I got in a huge fight with Kevin this afternoon after we sat down to a late lunch about our “relationship”. He made me feel like such a heartless prick, but I was completely upfront at the beginning with what we were doing! I get that there’s no such thing as sex with no strings if you keep on hooking up with the same person over and over, I’d be lying if I didn’t say that there was some SMALL part of me that wants to be more than friends with Kevin. But what it comes right down to is that I still feel like I belong to Bradley and I am not ready to move on yet. I DON’T WANT ANOTHER BOYFRIEND! Not only am I going home in a couple weeks, but there are sooo many other reasons why this would NEVER happen from him being older than my dad to his incessant cattiness that drives me crazy! Don’t get me wrong, effeminate guys are great as friends, but if I wanted to deal with all that passive aggressive bitchiness I’d get a girlfriend! Umm no offense to the daintier gays, they smell better, dress nicer, and are better groomed than I have ever been in my life, it’s just not by thing…

Saturday, May 16, 2009


Where to begin… Well I guess first of I would like to start with me being SICK! It fucking sucks and I know exactly what lead to the circumstances of me feeling like shit. See what happened was Kevin thought it would be fun to head up to Rhode Island and I decided, why the hell not! We were staying at a coworker of Kevin’s massive-assive house. And in the Parlor was a hollow wood board! It was fucking gorgeous! Hands down total surfboard porn. I didn’t recognize the board design but I could tell it was built for local conditions and I was aching to go out there and shred! So I did, and it was glorious. I’ve never been on a wooden board before and I was surprised by how well it handled. I thought the weight of the board was going to slow me down, but it was surprisingly springy and fast. Anyway, it was a good day. I was smiling from ear to ear the rest of the day. Sometimes a boy just needs to ride a wave, crappy conditions, and cold ass water be damned!

Kevin has been starting to act like my boyfriend lately and it’s starting to freak me out. I am leaving NYC in less than a month and I am not coming back any time soon I am really hoping he doesn’t think I would change my mind for him… I am really worried about how to approach this topic with him because I really like spending time with him, I just don’t want him to start getting some unrealistic expectations about what’s going on here. I was completely upfront in the beginning and I sincerely hope that he’s not thinking about changing the terms of our arrangement because that would make things uncomfortable.

In less emotionally awkward (but way more socially awkward) news I have seen Star Trek 3 times since it’s come out in Theaters! I am a HUGE trekkie like any self respecting guy with a B.S.E. degree, so of course I saw it at midnight in IMAX on Thursday. It was un-buttfucking-believable how awesome that movie was! I heart John Cho so much and after seeing this movie I heart him even more! It’s not like I went into last weekend with the intent of seeing this movie 3 times, but it was so awesome that when a friend called me Saturday inviting me to go see Star Trek with him I couldn’t say no! The second time around I was really able to take in how visually stunning the whole movie was. Those massive space scenes and gorgeous lens flares were works of genius! Mad props to ILM for their insane artistry because they totally outdid themselves with the VFX, a small part of me wants to work for them sooo badly it almost makes me wish I had some kind of work ethic to make that dream come true. The third time I saw Star Trek was to educate a heathen. We were having a casual conversation when it turned to movies and I told her that Star Trek was probably the most awesome movie I have seen in months. Then she said, and I quote, “I fell asleep during a lot of those star trek movies, I just like that R2D2 robot”. After taking a moment to fully comprehend what she had said to me, we went directly to the movies so she could learn the error of her ways. Which she did and once again all was right with the universe.

Being home SICK on a Saturday is, THE SUCK! The highlight of my afternoon has been reading the negative reviews on Rotten Tomatoes and then clicking on the comments and reading all the crazy Trek fans ripping the reviewers a new one! It’s really funny how angry these people are about the 5% of people who didn’t find this movie to be their cup of tea. Besides that I have nothing to do and nowhere to go, this is going to be a really long night.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

I need help!

Writing a speech for this wedding has been a pain in my ass! I have no idea what to say or what to write about. The following is what happens when I type whilst watching bad tv and only half pay attention to what I am doing. The wedding party is quite small, only about 40 guests. It’s safe to say that I know 38 of them and they all know me. I am trying to make this fun, light and personable. I suck at writing with a purpose and I am not entirely sure if there’s a format or style I should be trying to emulate here. What I am looking for is some help on completing this. I am not even sure if I am on the right track with what I have written so far. So yeah… comments, criticisms, questions, whatever! Just let me know what’s what.

Steph and I became friends quite serendipitously. We met on a night train in Europe on our way to Spain. With both of us facing the idea of wandering a foreign country all alone we seized the opportunity to do it together, and from then on we have been friends. Stephanie first introduced me to Will 4 years ago. At first he and I didn’t get along out of fear that I was there to steal his woman, but after coming to the realization that my preferences leaned more towards the masculine, we became fast friends.

From day 1 Steph and Will seemed like they were meant for each other, still I was pretty shocked when Steph told me she was getting married to Will! Not because she was marrying Will, it was because she was getting married! Before she spoke those words, in my mind, we were still teenagers living it up in the big apple. But afterwards we’d magically warped into a couple of 20 somethings with 30 lurking just around the corner… Somehow with this declaration we had become grownups! Talk about a rude awakening.

I am not going to lie. When Steph first asked me to be her “Man of honor” I was completely horrified! Awful visions of bridal shower games and trips to the salon to get pretty for the big day flashed before my eyes, and all I wanted to do was run! However this honor she bestowed upon me was something I tried my hardest to live up to because she is the kind of woman who deserves the best. So I quelled my reservations and over the next few months I was able to get a second chance to see what makes us such great friends and what makes Stephanie one of the best people I will ever know. As much as I would like to insert sarcastic and witty anecdotes that you have all come to LOVE & expect from me, this time words fail. Getting ready for this wedding was something I was so very proud to be a part of despite the week long debates on floral arrangements and endless hours at the dress shops, this experience helped me reach a new level of love and respect for Steph. She is everything that any man could hope for in a woman, and Will I hope you are aware that today you are the luckiest man on earth!

So on that note I would like to make a toast to Steph and Will…

Monday, May 04, 2009

Aint no rest!

I went to go visit Eddie Saturday night on a whim. I haven’t spent any time with him in months and I really missed him so I decided, why not? Poor Eddie! He was fucking exhausted from not sleeping in two days. The second he saw me he ran over and hugged me so tight I could barely breathe, and then spent the next 20 minutes crying. It was quite the shock to the system to see Eddie unravel like this but at the same time it was quite nice to finally not be the guy falling apart over the world ending tragedy of the week.

After he calmed down enough to tell me why he was freaking out, I started to freak out for him! The dude bit off WAY more than he could chew and he was seriously paying the consequences for it. He had 3 projects in post, 2 music videos and a commercial, and they were all due on Friday and 2 of them were already extended from previous deadlines! Apparently there was some drama with this company he hired to work on the music video and the freelance editor he’d picked up completely sucked at his job so Eddie ended up doing all the work ALONE!

I dragged Eddie away from his office long enough to eat and with the goal of getting him to call it a night so he could at least get 5 hours of sleep. We ate at the Swinger’s Diner and I ordered the usual, but this night I decided to add a milkshake. Poor Eddie was falling asleep on top of his food! It would have been so freakin adorable had it not been for, wait what am I talking about!? It was seriously adorable watching him trying to fight his exhaustion off like a 5 year old trying to stay up to see Santa! By the time I got him back to his apartment it was well after 3 so I decided my only recourse was to crash at his place (on his bed).

We woke up spooning and when I opened my eyes and saw him looking back at me I wanted nothing more than to make sweet man love to him, BUT I DIDN’T! Because that’s just all kinds of fucked up that I am sooo not ready to deal with at this point in time. So instead we exchanged pleasantries and I forced him to accompany me to breakfast! In the daylight I was able to get a good look at him and I was really worried about what I was seeing. Eddie sucks at taking care of himself! For some reason he can forget to eat and sleep for days because he gets so caught up in what he’s doing. And looking at him I could really tell that his crappy lifestyle was catching up with him in a scary way. His hair was falling out, his skin was all weird and blotchy and even though he’d slept 8 hours his eyes looked almost black from lack of sleep.

After twisting his arm (almost to the point of ripping it off his shoulder) I was able to get him to agree to some help. I have a friend that has recently decided to take a break from his job at a MAJOR animation studio to cope with the disillusionment of life as an animator that would totally be willing to help out here. I also had time to check out what he was working on with his music video, I really hated the music track (it was some kind of pop-rock-electroni-emo  awfulness that all the kids are listening to these days) but the VFX were right up my alley! I have been messing around with Autodesk Flame for awhile now (I have always been a HUGE 3DSMax user) and I KNEW I could totally continue what he was doing and I have been ITCHING to get my hands on a project that would really let me get right up in it! Eddie knows what I am capable of and he trusts me completely, so we called up my friend to give Eddie a hand in the office and he let me take the music video hard drive back to NYC.

When I get back to LA permanently my first order of business is to make sure Eddie never ends up like he did this past weekend. That was scary! I guess I am not one to talk though, because I haven’t really slept much since getting back to NYC yesterday. I have been working nonstop on the music video and I am LOVING the way it’s turning out! When I get in the zone like this I can go days without sleep, but that really wouldn’t go over well because of my need to stay alert at work. So I am writing this entry in hopes that it will wind me down enough to get a few hours of shut eye before attacking Eddie's project again in the morning.

Saturday, May 02, 2009

Quick stop @ home!

Thursday night…

Tyler: So… You are going to miss Jane’s Bday, Your uncle’s album release party AND the Stephen Lynch concert all because you don’t want to fly to LA since you just came down 2 weeks ago!?

RGB: It just seems like it’s a bit excessive and I am having some serious guilt about earning $20/hr and being able to afford to live in Manhattan and fly down to LA whenever I feel the need. ESPECIALLY when everybody I work with struggles to pay rent every month and they live in QUEENS! I just don’t think I have it in me to tell my coworkers that I, YET AGAIN, decided to come to LA on a whim and I spent the weekend doing unimaginably awesome things while they all shared a single package of Ramen and begged for change on the street corners! They hate me enough as it is.

Tyler: To bad! I already bought you a plane ticket home. I just emailed it to you, your plane leaves at 10am tomorrow.

RGB: I am torn between acting all butt hurt because you went behind my back and purchased these tickets after I already said I wasn’t going to be coming down, or thanking you profusely because I was kind of hoping you would do something like this therefore shifting my spoiled rotten rich kid guilt onto you!

Tyler: Well you always have been a manipulative little shit! But you aren’t as clever as you think you are. Don’t think I can’t tell when I’m being played by you! I’ll pick you up from the airport tomorrow.

Fast forward to the next day, I am in LA and thinking about how this is going to be a pretty awesome weekend! I had just enough time to run home and steal some of my little brother’s clothes because mine were too tight on my fat ass (Side note. Apparently some people have taken offense to me calling myself fat because they don’t think that I am. So let me clarify that I think fat is the when I flex my abs and the only way somebody can tell that I am doing so is because it looks like I am trying to take a shit! Plus I am starting to develop Buddha face. Besides I am totally fat by Los Angeles homosexual standards, just not so fat by Nebraska heterosexual guidelines.). I grabbed some basic clothes from my brother’s closet without asking and then I left for the Wiltern.

EVERYBODY told me that I should have gone with Tyler to the Wiltern. When it comes to navigating east of a coastal city, I have issues! Ask me how to get ANYWHERE on ANY beach city from Santa Barbara down to fucking Pacific Beach, and I will totally tell you how to get there. But head east towards the valley, and that’s no man’s land! I got really really lost and had too much pride to call my friends and ask for directions, so I wandered Koreatown aimlessly until I magically stumbled onto a street that was semi familiar. From there I totally found my way to Wilshire, and from there, The Wiltern.

Stephen Lynch is a down ass G! Usually when I tell people that I like listening to Stephen Lynch people go, “Oh the guy that sings My United States of Whatever right?” and I respond, “Hells mother fucking no! We all know that’s Liam Lynch!”

Then they ask, “Is he the guy that directs all those really creepy movies that I never really understand but for some reason I can’t seem to look away? I didn’t know that guy sang.” and I tell them, “Come on! What the fuck is wrong with you!? That’s David Lynch and to my knowledge he’s not a singer!”

Stephen Lynch is funny but in a really immature dirty frat guy sort of way…

The concert was the bees knees! I laughed until my throat hurt, then I downed a cup of beer and I laughed until I felt the beer coming up again! What can I say? I am a sucker for dumb jock humor! Afterward we hit Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles and ate until breathing became a problem, then we drove to Hermosa and stopped FFFF for some drinking and late night shenanigans at the beach. I am only going to be here for another 24 hours, but this is already the most fun I have had since the last time I was here! NYC sucks and I can’t wait to come home to LA permanently.