Monday, August 07, 2006

Sooo... Yeah...

Okay. I started off writing this post about something completely different. Then halfway through it, I began to write an email to a new friend, and I realized that I needed to write about what was really on my mind. I am just freaking out a little bit because I am not really sure where to begin. Basically I have found myself in the middle of a very HUGE disaster and I don't think that I have what it takes to deal with it.

On friday night I received a call from my friend Trevor. Through a series of unfortunate events, he had found himself in Atelope Valley all by himself and couldn't get home. So being the awesome friend that I am, I told him that I would make the hour long drive to go pick him up. The whole way up, I was in a bad mood. I was very irritated with Trevor for getting himself into this odd situation that I had not fully understood. I worry about him because he never makes the right decision and always finds a way to get himself into as much trouble as humanly possible! This night was no exception.

Trevor wasn't where he said he would be, so I called his cell. He answered and told me that he was hanging out in this bar around the corner. Trevor just turned 18 and had no reason to be in a bar in the first place, so of course I go into parent mode and I am EXTREMELY irritated for it. When I get in I can see him sitting on a stool sipping on something. I walked up to him and I gave him a hug, and then in a slightly inebriated tangent, he told me all about how he ended up in the middle of nowhere with no ride. It was actually kind of funny in a totally sad and tragic sort of way.

Basically he met a guy in a club. Then after having a few drinks with this guy, he decided to go home with him. He didn't know what he wanted to do, he just thought that it would be fun to go home with this guy. Anyway long story short, the guy said that he didn't live far (which was a total lie) and he seemed cool at the time. However after the hour's drive back to his dilapidated apartment and the loss of a good buzz, Trevor wanted to go home. Only this guy didn't want to take him home. So Trevor just walked out of his apartment and called me.

I am very glad that he called me. Things got really bad that night, but I am still very glad that he called me. Because if I wasn't there I don't think that any of his other friends would have been able to protect him.

It all happened pretty fast. There were two guys behind us, and they tackled Trevor and told me that I could leave. I would later learn that one of these guys was one of the people that Trevor went home with. It took me a few seconds to process what was going on, I was shocked that something like this was actually happening. It felt like a bad movie. I got the first guy off of Trevor and incapacitated, and then the second guy just stopped and then got up to face me. He was a lot bigger than me and I was very scared. He punched me in the face really hard, and I fell on the floor. I managed to kick him in the knee, and I got up and grabbed Trevor's hand and I ran.

I am not sure if they chased us. But we ran really fast and we got into my car and I took off and never looked back. Trevor cried the whole way home. By the time we pulled into his driveway, the adrenaline had finally began to wear off and I was starting to feel a lot of pain in my back and in my face. I couldn't even get out of the driver's seat. Trevor almost had to carry me all the way into his house. I spent a few hours soaking in his hot tub as we watched some TV and we both calmed down. Trevor was a wreck because he felt awful for putting me in this situation. I told him that he was my friend and that's just what friends do for each other. I can honestly say that I am not upset with Trevor at all. I just wish that he would make better decisions.

After having the weekend to process what has happened. I find myself getting very depressed by this whole situation. I am a trained martial artist, but I hate to fight, and I never fight outside of training workouts. Solving problems through violence is the most immature and ridiculous thing that a person can do.

Ever since Friday night's incident, I find myself bursting into tears a lot. I can't control it and I can't make it stop. I know that it sounds strange, but I feel very bad for defending myself and I also feel bad that I don't feel worse about it. There are also other things that I can't quite articulate going on in my head... I just feel like crap about this whole situation and its not going away. I haven't told my family, or Eddie about this, and I am not sure if I am going to. It's really hard to talk about. I can't even think about it without having my heart race and my eyes swell up with tears. I am a mess.

I tried to upload a picture that I have been working on, but blogger is being stupid. Or maybe I am just way to impatient right now. I'll try again later.


WhiteflameNZ said...

What a story. Sorry you guys got landed in a situation like that. It could have been a lot worse by the sounds of it.
Seriously, dont feel bad about fighting back, martial arts to the best of my knowledge is designed for self defence, and thats what you used it for. Just chill a little. Just put it down to another ones of lifes experiences and move on.

downunderpants said...

nah its blogger, it's being a right bastard at the moment! i guess being gay also means being a big cry baby, i should know!!!

So lets change the subject, did i tell you that I found a whole bunch of Volcom T-shits the other week?? I did, and I'm going back soon to buy one. I think my Volcom would like that very much.

dan said...

dude, unbelievable, I KNEW something was up on the next post after that long silent weekend... WHOOSH! dude the world can be an awful place, don't let it get you down, you remain awesome regardless of all that bit. (wow an artist and martial arts stud, who knew?)... :) later.

Anonymous said...

I hope you know you saved your friends life that night. You didn't instigate the situation, your reaction was completely justified. Don't ever feel bad for standing up for yourself or others.