Saturday, September 04, 2010


Brad decided to come with me on my little excursion across the Atlantic. I was super psyched that he asked to come, especially since things were still a little awkward between us after a month of me being such a prick to him. Brad’s amazing in his capacity to forgive and move on. He understands me in a way that really scares me because I never really thought anybody would be capable of knowing me the way he does and not want out. I knew he was special from the beginning; here we are 3 years later and I am pretty sure that he’s into me too.

Even though I was pretty sure that Brad had forgiven me and moved on from my month of being an asshole; I still felt like it was important to acknowledge his saintly act of forgiveness and really hammer in the fact that I am truly sorry for the way I acted. He told me he understood and that he forgave me. We ended up spending the whole night catching up with each other’s lives. It’s been way too long since the last we we had a conversation like this, and I really missed it! Sometimes I forget that Brad needs me as much as I need him because in my eyes he’s just so freakin brave, strong and confident. But every once in awhile he says something that really makes me pause and realize that he sees me the same way I see him.

Is it possible to fall even more in love with somebody you’ve already been in love with for 3 years? Fuck that! I know it is because last night I totally did. I have no idea what I would do with myself if I didn’t have Brad by my side.

The art show was awesome! It was an even bigger deal than I thought it would be. I even saw my agent there because apparently he represented a few of the people in the show. Seeing my piece here among all these accomplished and talented artists was both humbling and a HUGE ego boost. It really validated the fact that I am on the right path, but at the same time showed me that I still have a very long way to go before I am at their level.

At some point my agent cornered me and started doing that really scary thing where he intimidates and threatens me with compliments and menacing smiles. I am convinced that it’s an art form he’s mastered in a way no other man on the planet has! He’s been trying to get me to do some more commercial work and I have been passively resisting him (read ignoring his emails and phone calls) but I got the sense that if I didn’t accept some of these jobs soon he’s going to stop calling. So it looks like I am meeting with an ad firm at the beginning of next week, YAY ME(that’s sarcasm in case anybody out there in cyberspace missed it)!

Brad and I arrive home Monday morning. We’ve actually been here since last Monday but I didn’t publish my last post pre-Europe until Wed. because I forgot, then I figured I wasn’t going to NOT publish it, but I was too lazy to fix the post so it made more sence. So there you go! It’s 7 am and I am about to begin my one hour stretching routine and then begin packing all my stuff. It’s going to be a fun day traveling to the airport!

Wednesday, September 01, 2010

Rocky road to recovery

Sorry I have been missing for so long, this month has been THE SUCK! I fully recovered from my shitty lungs at the beginning of the month, but then the real recovery process began. Being stuck in a fucking bed for a month, fucked up my body like you wouldn’t believe! I have bone and joint issues all over the place, then you throw in my sciatica and ligament damage in my knee, and now you should be imagining some of the most painful pain anybody has ever pained.

Every morning in order to keep from shooting myself in the head from all the previously mentioned pain, I used to go through an hour long stretching/yoga routine followed by a VERY hot shower and then copious amounts of bengay as needed. There’s also some super strong ibuprofen to reduce swelling, and the occasional cortisone shot when the pills just weren’t enough. A large portion of all that had to stop when I was bed ridden for one reason or another, so my body just became progressively more stiff and painful until I got to the point where I was on so many painkillers that there are entire days I don’t even remember.

The most frustrating thing about my life right now is how I want to do so much more than my body is willing to let me do. I want to touch my toes, I want to take my skateboard down to the beach, I want to catch a wave, I want to go for a jog with my boyfriend and my dog; but alas I can not do any of those things because I am barely at the point where I can walk to the bathroom without the aid of my walker! I have had all these ailments for a while now, it’s the side effect of living my lifestyle, but it’s always seemed manageable up until the point where it wasn’t. I am 2 months from my 25th birthday and I am pretty sure my skeleton more closely resembles a 76yr old.

Being stuck in one place has really given me the time to think about the fact that I’m not getting any younger, and this body of mine is the only one I am ever going to get; so it’s probably time that I start doing a better job at taking care of it. I have seen specialists for all my different issues, from my back, to my knee, to my ever so slightly dislocated shoulder that has since awkwardly healed over without ever being properly put back into place. I got fresh x-rays (by the way did you know that when you get x-rayed you can still VERY clearly see your penis in the x-rays!? It’s really funny and I ALMOST posted them because I got a serious chuckle out of that but then I realized that this is not that kind of blog and it will NEVER be that kind of blog. So sorry) and had them scrutinized by all the said specialists, and together we came up with several treatments to take care of most of my issues.

While all this was happening life still went on and now I am struggling to play catch up. I am currently making plans to go to Europe for a week because I have a piece that’s part of this HUGE collection and I absolutely have to be there to see it! Things with Brad and I are still a little bit tense and I need to figure out a way to smooth things out with him which means I need to figure out a way to get passed my huge ego and apologize. I have promised my services as a coder to a friend of mine for this massive computer program she’s designing. And I have about a dozen other odd jobs in completely random and unrelated fields that need attention yesterday. The medical bills totalled well into the hundred thousands and I have shitty medical insurance, so I really need to crack the whip and get some work done.