Friday, January 30, 2009

Adventures in LA LA Land!

First off let me say that it was quite a toss up between making, “LA LA”, one word or two. In the end two won out because it reminded me of musical scales, but NOT The Sound of Music because I haven’t actually seen that movie (judge me if you want, but I refuse to give into the singing Germans). LA LA land, as defined by, is a state of mind characterized by unrealistic expectations or a lack of seriousness, unless you are in NYC and then it what you call a person from Los Angeles (yeah I don't get it either[just in case you guys didn't figure that last part out, I was being facetious]). ANYWAY, yesterday proved to be more eventful than expected for me as I was only planning to catch up on some DVR’d TV, maybe smoke a bowl with girl B, and later take dinner to the Bradley clan at the hospital. Then out of nowhere Bradley’s mom calls to let me and the other boyfriends and girlfriends in the house know that a gaggle of their extended family would be stopping by and wondered if we could get them unpacked and bring them to the hospital!

Meeting the boyfriend’s extended family is awkward. Wait, I take that back, the PROSPECT of meeting the boyfriend’s extended family WITHOUT the boyfriend is awkward! You worry that they won’t like you, or worse yet, you won’t like them. What if they don’t get your humor? What if you find them obnoxious, or worse yet, stupid? Who’s going to protect you from their weird aunt’s inappropriate touching or their crazy uncle’s disapproving uber-Christian morals!? Luckily for me, none of these things actually happened (but boy do I love building suspense!) Anyone who is capable of dancing to NSYNC at the Pho diner, climbing a tree, and dropping trou as they say goodbye to only have a cop car pull up behind them all in the course of one evening is alright by me…and most certainly deserves a repeat performance at breakfast. ANYWAY, this week has been a pretty awesome morale boost here in the house especially because of last night! Although I suspect that might be due to the fact that we included dancing and liquor in last night’s festivities!

ANYWAY kids, the lesson here is this: meeting the boyfriend’s extended family without, THE BOYFRIEND, is awkward but also full of hilarity and sometimes so eventful that you feel the need…to blog about it (HA! you thought I was gonna say speed…suckers!). The end result is that I am pretty psyched these people are here. They are lightening things up a lot and helping everybody to see that it’s okay to smile even when things are looking as bleak as ever. This is going to be a good weekend.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Catching up

I have been spending a lot of my time with Bradley's brother’s and sisters’ significant others. I guess the thing I am most proud of is how we have finally mastered the art of being good supportive boyfriends/girlfriends. When it comes to being with our other halves, its hard to find an equilibrium with the time we spend with them because on one hand we want to be there to support them and on the other we want to give them their space and time as a family. These last few weeks have been extremely confusing in terms of figuring out how we fit into this whole scenario. We had all been asked to be here, but at the same time there were certain moments where we honestly felt like we were intruding on something private.

It's really weird getting to know the significant others because the thing that I have come to realize over the last couple of weeks is that we are all VERY similar. The Bradley clan definitely has a type and I guess I am it. Together there are 4 of us, 2 guys (counting myself) and 2 girls. The guy is pretty awesome, he teaches Jiu-Jitsu during the year then in late spring and all summer he leads eco-adventures around South America. Girl A is the partial owner of this crazy summer camp that basically takes a bunch of teens across the country hitting all the major camping spots and totally kicking it Little House on the Prairie style! Girl B much like myself is currently unemployed, and spends the majority of her time surfing and being awesome. I think the Bradley siblings like to seek out the kind of person who thrives on nontraditional lifestyles and doesn‘t mesh well with the rest of society, then they use their ridiculous good looks and charm to slowly domesticate us. And looking at the 4 of us is evidence that not only can they do it, but it's a lot easier than I originally thought.

Apart from all my time here in SB, I have been spending a lot of time commuting to LA with Jiu-Jitsu guy. He teaches in LA and I have my little brother that I am constantly worrying about, so we drive down 3 days a week and we handle our business. My little brother is turning into quite the pimp, and it’s taking a lot of patience and maturity to not beat some sense into him! He’s a good looking boy, and for a 14 year old he’s a lot more developed than most kids his age which tends to land him boys a little too old for MY comfort level.

Last week we were having a casual discussion about boys, when he started to tell me about this kid at school he’s been “talking to” lately. When I pushed for more info he tried to casually slip in that the dude was 18, and I totally went ape shit! I mean COME ON!? My brother is 14 and has no business being with somebody old enough to vote! I did my best to be the cool brother who understands shit like this, but I couldn’t! I mean really!? REALLY!? So I did what any good big brother would do and I took my brother’s cell, found the guys #, then called him and told him if I caught them together I would break every bone in his body, then drag him by his dick to the nearest police station and have him arrested for statutory rape. Needless to say, my little brother is a little angry with me at the moment…

Last week in SB the waves were BEAUTIFUL! Girl B and I had no choice but to grab our boards and throw ourselves right in the mix. Oh man! It was honestly one of the best times I have had in the ocean in quite awhile. I caught air a bunch of times and landed some tricks that I have been messing around with for awhile. When we came out of the water I felt good about myself, like I had finally accomplished something that I could be proud of for the first time in a long time. As we walked back to our car my chest was puffed out and there was a swagger in my step, then I caught my reflection in the back of the SUV and I smiled and thought to myself, “Hey RGB! It’s nice to have you back again!”.

Things are still pretty difficult here on a daily basis and I am not sure if I see any light at the end of this tunnel, but I do hope. The time Bradley and I spend together is strained and a lot of the times I kind of feel like we are just going through the motions. Sometimes I think I am not sure how much more of this I can take before I totally have a meltdown of my own and fuck everything up because I am to selfish to suck it up and deal. But then I remember how much I love my boyfriend and how I will do anything for him and this is my time to prove that I mean it. I will do whatever it takes to get him through this, and those aren’t just words. I just wish that this all didn’t have to be so fucking difficult!

I have been listening to this song a lot lately. So much in fact that I can now play it perfectly, and sing it a little less perfectly. I dunno it just really feels autobiographical at the moment... You know how that happens sometimes?

Saturday, January 17, 2009


Bradley took the quarter off. His family is going through something. We weren’t really sure if this was going to happen until last week, but the all of a sudden it was happening, and I had no idea what to do to help him through this.

I don’t know what to say. I feel like all my thoughts and feelings are so selfish right now. When I squeeze his hand I don’t feel better until he squeezes back, when I wrap my arms around him I can’t breath until he does too. I just need to know he’s okay, and when he responds to me it reassures me that he actually has a chance to make it through this. I have never seen him like this. I don’t know what to do.

Thursday, January 08, 2009

Road trip prep

Jane: I’m making playlists for our road trip! What were your 2 favorite songs of 2008?

RGB: Well… I have a 4-way tie for my 2 favorite songs.

Jane: You can’t have a 4-way tie for 2 songs that’s just stupid!!

RGB: What are you talking about!? I can if I want to!

Jane: No! If I wanted your 4 favorites I would have asked you for 4!

RGB: You’re ridiculous! Do you wanna hear the 4-way tie of my 2 favorite songs or not!?

Jane: You’re a spoiled brat and I hate you!

RGB: I have no idea how to respond to that…

Jane: Just tell me what the God damned songs are already!

RGB: Okay… Jane?

Jane: What!?

RGB: I love you!

Jane: Go fuck yourself! I love you too you bastard!


My 4-way tie of my 2 favorite songs in no particular order.

The Airborne Toxic Event - Does This Mean Your Moving On

Weezer - Everybody Get Dangerous

One Day As A Lion - Wild International

Kings of Leon - Sex on Fire

Monday, January 05, 2009

I'm a WHORE!

I had dinner in LA at this small diner in Silver Lake. It was Eddie, Bradley, Tyler and myself at my table, and there was only one other group and they were sitting directly across from us. I think I first recognized that I knew the waitress, but then I realized that I knew 3 of the 5 people sitting at the other table. Then it hit me, out of the 9 ppl in the diner I have had sex with 6 of them! 

At first I was going to play it off like I didn't know who these people were. Then right at that moment I think I started giving off this crazy vibe because I felt like EVERYBODY was looking at me. Then it started to feel like everbody was talking about me! After a couple of minutes I just felt like I was the big pink elephant standing in the middle of the room.

I had a 2 second freak out. Then I got up and walked over to the other table to say, "hi"! Then I walked over to the waitress and had a nice chat with her. Then I came back to the table where EVERYBODY was laughing so hard I thought soda was going to come out of their noses. There was no sympathy to be had at my table. 

Sunday, January 04, 2009

New Year's Resolution!

When I applied to university, I did so not knowing what I wanted to do when I got there. I didn’t want to be a doctor because sick people gross me out, I didn’t want to be a lawyer because Tucker Max couldn’t do it (which means I wouldn’t be able to either), besides I was going to be a surfer and all this stuff didn’t really matter anyway. I was going to college because it's what was expected of a young genius like myself and I saw it as an opportunity to party on my dad's dime for a few years. So I did what all the boys and girls do when they want to go to college to waste time and do drugs, I marked the undeclared box! 

It’s July of 2001 and I am in NYC for orientation. I have a lot of friends at a neighboring school that are about to throw this massive party and I want to be there BADLY! Orientation all morning had been so dull that I’d decided I was going to sneak out during our lunch break and spend the rest of the afternoon drinking so I could get an early start on college life. Right as I was finalizing these plans in my head, a woman walked up to me and totally FUCKED MY SHIT UP!

Evil woman: Are you RGB?
Me: Yes, how can I help you?
Evil woman: We finished reviewing your transcripts along with approving your AP credits and have determined you have enough credits to be considered a second semester sophomore.
Me: Wow! I haven’t even started college and I am already halfway done! So what does this mean?
Evil woman: We noticed you are coming to us as “undeclared” you only have a semester of GE units you would need to take so it would be in your best interests if you selected a major and met with the department advisors today.

This is when she handed me a binder full of sign-up sheets. Basically all the people who had selected a major were meeting with their department advisors to discuss their class schedules and such. Looking down at the book I noticed that because I was getting this so late in the game my chances of making it to the party were slim to none. I skimmed the entire binder and I noticed that while all the pre-med sciences and liberal arts departments were 10 pages long, the engineering and applied sciences weren’t so bad. Upon closer scrutiny I noticed there were only 4 people meeting with the CS department and since my education really didn’t matter to me anyway, I decided I was going to major in CS.

So I met with the CS advisor and set up my class schedule. He was very surprised to match me with my transcripts because I come off as the biggest stoner idiot when ANYBODY first meets me. I am a dichotomy and I have come to accept my place in life as the unsuspecting genius masquerading as a Bill & Ted wanabe. To make a long story short, I took potentially devastating news that would have ruined my entire day and truncated it into an extra hour and a half. NEVER for a second believing that one day I might actually need my education to find gainful employment out there in the real world. That’s right people, you heard it here first! I chose my education based on a party I didn’t want to be late to.

I guess this brings me to my New Year’s Resolution! I have always let my surfboard define me and EVERYTHING I do. From determining the people I choose to be my friends to deciding the way I live, every decision comes right back to my surfboard. I always knew I would grow up to be a surfer, I never considered any other options, and because of that I never really felt the need to take anything seriously from my education that took me 5 years to complete (even though I could have finished it in 2), to my career and my aspirations for life that I abandon and change every couple weeks. What I want to do this year, more than anything else, is to grow up. 2008 was all about me turning my back on opportunity after opportunity that other people would KILL to have. So this year for 2009, I want to grow up, suck it up, and deal!