Sunday, June 29, 2008

And so it begins...

I am in LA right now with Bradley. I met my staff Friday which marked the beginning of an exciting 3 days of intense training. I had a lot to go over and not much time to get it done but somehow we managed! I guess my biggest drama was Bradley and I deciding to tell the whole staff we are a couple. It’s not like we were worried about the whole gay thing, its more an issue of staff coupling we didn’t want to have be a problem. At camp people always hook up, and everybody always talks about it so I guess we just felt like it was important to get this all out of the way now before it becomes camp gossip that includes the campers. I guess the part I was most nervous about was explaining how we met at camp last year when Bradley was a camper… I was seriously considering fudging the details about when we became ummm, a couple. I swear to god I don’t make a habit of molesting the boys at camp I feel like I am always screaming from the rooftops that we are only 3 ½ years apart from each other and he was 19 at the time. SO I did fudge the details a little and the rest was relatively painless. At first they didn’t believe that either of us were gay much less a couple, so just to put all the doubts to rest I shoved my tongue down Bradley’s throat and that settled that.

Even though we were training pretty hard, we still found plenty of time to go out to the beach and catch some choice waves. Then of course we had to celebrate our session with a few hours of drinking, so all and all it was an amazing bonding experience! It’s always important to see early on who the lightweights are and exploit that at a later time…

I guess I also wanted to clear something up from quite a few emails I have been receiving lately. Apparently some of my old readers have started reading my blog again and most of them are all asking the same question, “What happened to Eddie?” He’s fine, it’s really hard to explain why it happened, but we broke up last May when he moved to a different continent. It’s still pretty hard to talk about, so I am just going to leave it at that. I almost didn’t link that post because looking at it now, all the reasons why I couldn’t stay with him aren’t even relevant anymore. But like I have said a million times, I wouldn’t want things turning out any different than they have, the good the bad and the ugly are all mine and I have earned the scars to show them off proudly.

The campers start arriving in a couple hours, then when they all arrive I get to go over all the RULES! YAY RULES RULE! Then we are going to spend a few hours getting to know each other at this awesome restaurant in West LA. Then we hit the sack early because our flight is at 5 am, which means we need to be at the airport at 3:30am (have you ever had to get 42 surfboards passed security? It actually takes a lot longer than you think!), which means we need to be out of the hotel by 3am, which means we need to be up and getting shit on the vans by at least 2:30am! This summer is going to be awesome! Let the sleepless nights begin…

Sunday, June 22, 2008


Before I actually start writing what I am about to write about, I would just like to point out that this is extremely embarrassing for me!

I was out at an LA beach with Tyler today. He and I were planning on catching some waves and then hanging at the beach for awhile with some buddies of ours. After we were all sufficiently surfed out, we decided to grab some eats at this local restaurant that is known for the ridiculous amount of surfer/skater paraphernalia they have strewn about their establishment. The food is decent and the prices are cheap, and they have a pretty lenient shirt/shoes optional policy, so basically the place is kinda awesome.

Anywho, I guess its time I get to the crux of my drama. As I have stated, this place is full of surfer/skater shit. One of the things in this establishment that has EMBARASSED me for years is this poster of yours truly! It’s not really featured in a prominent location, but I have always known it was there, and I signed it for the owner blah blah blah, and so forth. This poster has been there for years, and I guess that even though I acted like it as stupid and embarrassing there was a small part of me that was also a little proud of it. I liked walking into this place on occasion and seeing myself emblazoned on the wall! It’s an extremely surreal experience and it always gives me this awesome internal smiley feeling seeing it.

I am not sure which one of my friends pointed it out while we were eating, but my poster had been unceremoniously removed and replaced with one of Ryan Sheckler. As if having my poster removed wasn’t bad enough, it had to be replaced by an 18yr old MTV reality star, and a pro-skater on top of it just to add that extra sting! So of course the entire meal was dedicated to giving me a hard time about how, “the mighty have fallen”. I tried to play it off like I didn’t care, but for some reason, I REALLY DID CARE! Then of course I felt ridiculous for getting even a little worked up about something as trivial as this, but I still couldn’t shake being a little upset about it!

I honestly had this total diva moment in my head where I had an internal monologue totally going off on the people that worked there! Something like, “I am a local boy at my local eatery and I want my GOD DAMN poster on the mother fucking wall as I enjoy my meal! Is that to much to ask!?” After thinking this in my head I was finally able to laugh it off a little and let it go for the most part. Nothing lasts forever, and I have given up competing so this was bound to happen eventually. I feel like such the drama queen for even letting the affect me a little. There are people starving in Africa and dying in the Middle East, but for 10 minutes during my meal today I was completely crushed because somebody took my poster down! Sometimes I can be so irrationally emotional I kind of feel like a chick PMS’ing.

This Jack song kind of took on a new meaning for me today...

Sunday, June 15, 2008

72 hours in Vegas!

This was my weekend...
-Hung out with High School Homies,
-Had so much fun we invited them with us to Vegas
-Roadtripped with awesome tunes and even better company
-Sweaty fun with Jane @ the restaurant in Barstow (don’t ask!)
-Picked up Jake @ UNLV filling our car over capacity by 3 people
-Crashed a VIP party with Dlist Celebs, I think I saw Tara Reid…
-Accosted by a senior citizen in a sequence shirt playing the slots
-Met up with Evan and what’s his face…
-Bought lots of alcohol and sum Coca-cola
-Drank lots of alcohol and sum Coca-cola
-Can someone say MaryJane??
-Went to the Stipclub for deep thought and SERIOUS art Critiques!
-Penthouse craziness complete with naked shenanigans
-Fell in2 sum modern art (its ok, no one noticed)!!
-Tyler & I tried to be nonchalant about it in a completely sober way
-Still waiting 2C if we pulled it off…
-Buzz wears off just as Jane almost gets decked by an angry art fag!
-Walked from Treasure Island to Circus Circus in the sweltering heat!
-Got back to the penthouse and passed out in the foyer!!
-Woke up with NO HANGOVER!!!
-Ordered some room service and proceeded to have a food fight
-Poolside fun (Its always better when ppl are half naked!)
-Ate pizza till I EXPLODED!! (Really! Check the carpet!)
-More fun with more alcohol and white ppl than I’ve ever seen!
-Political and philosophical debates with “Go-Go” dancers
-Taxi cab confessions
-I don’t remember…
-Woke up on the floor in my underwear (luckily I still had them on!)
-Did the tourist thing and saw a Cirque show
-Passed out the whole way home!

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

HOME!! For now...

It feels good to FINALLY be home! Well at least until Thursday night, when Jane and I head up to LA to meet Tyler and then the 3 of us road trip it to Vegas! Bradley Headed up north the second we landed to go spend the rest of the week with his family. On Monday he and I begin this super intense 2 week Lifegaurd course designed to seriously kick our asses! Then the day after we finish Bradley and I meet up with the rest of my summer staff for a 3 day training session (led by yours truly). On the 4th morning 27 surfers arrive and we all fly out together to Surfer's Heaven.

Aside from a day trip to Hakealala National Park, Bradley and I spent our last couple days in HI completely vegging! We know exactly what's coming and are doing our best to start making up for all the lost sleep we are inevitably going to miss! Brad and I watched Shelter again, but this time on a 60 inch widescreen. I can now say without a doubt that aside from this 2 second shot of the Manhattan Beach Peir, there were absolutely no South Bay beaches in that WHOLE MOVIE! Also, it’s very disconcerting watching a 15 second clip of these guys surfing where every single angle was shot at a different beach! In that clip the same character surfed Malibu, then Laguna and then was magically back in Malibu! At best those two beaches are at least 2 hours apart! Somebody needs to let me in on the secret of teleportation, because I sooo totally want it! And I promise to not use my new found knowledge for evil!

I have been doing a lot of thinking since I saw, Shelter, the first time. It really is creepy how similar the main character was to me, and it’s not all in my head! We both indulge in a little post-graffiti street art now and again (Off the top of my head I can think of 3 places IN SAN PEDRO, where you can see my work at this very moment!). We both came out to our best friends without actually saying the words and it all went down in a restaurant! And a million other little things that were all kind of weird and creepy because of their similarities. And it’s not just me either! Eddie sooo totally called me after seeing this movie and was all over how the lead guy is like the bizarro me, but far less attractive!

But all those similarities just got me thinking about the kind of person I was, way back when… And the kind of person I have become, right here in the present... In a lot of ways I am proud of how I have evolved as a man, but in more ways than I care to admit, I am ashamed(Going from this to this). I have changed so much so fast that actually stopping to take stock of it all is extremely overwhelming. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that, The only thing constant is Change...

Sunday, June 08, 2008


The waves have finally picked up and for the last couple days Bradley and I have been enjoying some decent sessions on the south facing beaches. These waves are totally getting us psyched for this summer! No matter how much I love the waves back home, there’s nothing like a new challenge from the ocean in unfamiliar environments. So for the last couple days we have been surfing until we were so tired, that picking up our boards and walking back to the car seemed damn near impossible!

Late this afternoon I was finally able to get all the paperwork PDF’d and sent over to the surf camp owner for final approval. It looks like our 2 week European vacation is going to be costing each kid about $1650, and that in addition to the buttload of money they are already spending for the other two excursions. The grand total for the entire summer comes out to such a HUGE number that I was very shocked by the amount of kids we have signed up for this thing! And our itinerary is going to be awesome! 2 days in Portugal, 5 in Spain, 3 in France, 2 in Germany and 2 in the Netherlands.

Bradley and I have also been trying to have some realistic discussions on how we are going to be conducting ourselves during this whole thing. Clearly we aren’t going to run around grabbing each other’s asses and making out in front of all the campers, because that would just be completely unprofessional. But we aren’t sure if keeping our relationship completely private would be for the best or if it could even be an option. We kind of feel like we shouldn’t say anything because what happens when we close our door is nobody’s business but ours, but at the same time people talk! They see things, and they speculate, so this is where we are. Is it better that we just get all the staff together beforehand and let them know what’s up? Or is it better to just keep it professional and try and be as discreet as possible, and if people talk, then fuck’em!?

What I love about Brad more than anything else, is how unapologetic he is about himself. It’s a quality in him that I both respect and admire, but I am not sure if this is something that is actually relevant or helpful to this situation. Well whatever we decide, we still have a few weeks, so there’s no point in stressing out about it tonight.

Thursday, June 05, 2008

4 days in Oahu

Bradley and I made it over to Oahu and we had an amazing time. It’s weird being there in that situation with Bradley. I guess I kept on expecting somebody to call me on what I was doing there with Bradley, but nobody said anything. I was pretty sure nobody could be so blind as to not pick up on the vibes Bradley and I were giving off. Even though we weren’t making out in public, there’s just a special way two guys in love interact, and I am sure it’s obvious in everything we did.

We saw the sites and we totally did the whole Honolulu tourist thing to the point where I started to get a little embarrassed with myself over the whole thing. We both agreed we had the most fun going to the Polynesian Cultural Center. That place is amazing, and I don’t care if all the guys that work there are crazy Mormons because they are all so fucking HOT and half naked that its impossible to be mad at them.

On our last night in Oahu (last night) I was having trouble sleeping. It was around 2 am and Bradley was dead asleep, so I decided to go sit in the front of the house and listen to the waves break. I wasn’t out there for more than 5 minutes when one of the other guys in the house came out to talk with me. This person in particular I have known since I was 13 years old and I came here to visit for the first time. He handed me a beer and then we just sat there in silence for a very long time. We were both just waiting each other out to see who was going to talk first. Unfortunately I have been away from the island a little to long, and I no longer have the patience that I once had!

RGB: So… You know I’m with Brad right?
Good Friend: I know. You know it’s cool with me right?
RGB: I do man.
Good Friend: This isn’t why you left, is it?
RGB: A little bit, but this wasn’t the only reason. You know when it comes to this life I have always had one foot in and one foot out. One day I just got to the point where I didn’t think I could deal with all of it, so I made a choice.
Good Friend: Well you seem really happy.
RGB: I am.
Good Friend: You know you are always welcome here. Yeah when the house is full there are always going to be a few guys who aren’t cool with that stuff, but nobody’s going to give you a hard time. Like everybody here, you’ve earned your respect. Besides they mess with you then they’ve fucking messed with me!
RGB: Shit dude! Can you just give me a hug already so we can change the subject!? You are about to fucken make me cry! My people do that a lot.

So we hugged it out and went back to sitting in silence for awhile. It was a beautiful night. The stars shining and the waves crashing, I did my best to take it all in and remember this as the moment where I was honestly okay with the decision I made. For a long time I felt like I gave this all up because I was gay, which is true but at the same time it isn’t. I gave all this up because I never really wanted it in the first place. For so long I have been beating myself up over leaving all of this behind. Like somehow if only I had more courage everything in my life would be perfect! But I was remembering things through rose colored glasses.

If I am honest with myself, and I am slowly learning that this is the HUGEST and HARDEST part about coming out, I was never really happy here. Sure I enjoyed aspects of it, I would have to be insane not to. But from the very beginning I knew this life was never going to make me happy as much as I knew a girl never would either.

We sat there on the front steps still not talking. We both drank one last beer, then we said our good nights. I stayed out there for a little while longer, still trying to soak up the moment. After awhile I finally got tired and I headed for bed and for the first time in our 4 day excursion to Oahu, I climbed into bed with Bradley and I went to sleep.

Sunday, June 01, 2008

More Conversations @ 30,000ft

Bradley and I boarded the plane and as soon as we took our seats we were in our on world telling jokes and messing around; so I am not entirely sure when the sturdy and rather robust looking woman took her seat next to us. But at some point she definitely let her presence be known with a sturdy and robust voice that perfectly matched her body!

Sturdy Lady: You two look like a couple of heart breakers. You boys coming home to the islands, or are you on vacation?
Bradley: We’re going on vacation.
Sturdy Lady: I was here visiting my grandkids. They are both around your age. Here’s a picture of them.

Bradley and I both take the picture of two homely looking guys that obviously inherited their looks from their grandmother and pretend to give a fuck as we look at it and smile and nod. What the hell are you supposed to say when a stranger hands you a picture of people you don’t know!?

Sturdy Lady: They aren’t lookers like you two, but they are very sweet boys.
RGB: Oh really?

Because WHAT THE FUCK WAS I SUPPOSED TO SAY!? This woman was really starting to make both Bradley and I very uncomfortable and we hadn’t even taken off yet! Bradley gets really weirded out when people start talking about his looks. Not that he doesn’t know he’s attractive; the boy would have to be blind to not realize that 9 times out of ten he’s the best looking guy in the room. It’s just really creepy when some old Hawaiian woman on an airplane won’t shut up about it! The flight attendants began their whole routine of seatbelt and plane crashing exit routines, and I was grateful for the reprieve from this woman. She’s quiet for awhile, but after the plane gets into the air and the pilot turns off the fasten safety belt light, she starts talking again!

Sturdy Lady: I have a few nieces right around your age that would love to take handsome boys like you two around the island.
Bradley: I am actually in a relationship and very much in love, so I don’t know if that would be very appropriate for me to do that. But thanks for the offer.
Sturdy Lady: To bad, how about you sweetie?
RGB: (slightly smirking and fighting off a hearty chuckle) Yeah I am kind of in a relationship also, but I am not nearly as in love as my friend over here. But you should see the person he is with! (at this point Bradley starts playfully shoving me and starts glaring also) If I were with somebody like that, we would never make it passed the front door, if you know what I mean! Besides I have cousins in Lahaina so I know my way around pretty well.

After that round of conversation sturdy lady pretty much lost interest in us and started enjoying the on-flight entertainment. We pulled out our portable DVD player and watched a few other netflix movies and were finally able to enjoy the silence. We landed and hopped into our rental and found refuge in a big empty house and proceeded to spend the next two days having sex in every room on every surface we could. Our sex drives are only fueled by the flatness of the ocean, and with surfing out of the question, our dicks are damn near ready to fall off!

So right now I am planning a 4 day trip to Oahu. The RGB name still holds enough weight to score us a free room while we are there. I just have to keep in mind that while we are guests at the house, we aren’t boyfriends, we are just friends. This is going to be a lot of fun because Bradley has never been to Oahu, so we are going to do the whole tourist thing which is going to be a lot of fun because I haven’t done that in years.

The surf camp owner shot me an email before we left for Hawaii that I thought was going to be a HUGE headache for me, but actually turned out to be not so bad. I haven’t finished working out all the details, I can’t start celebrating quite yet… But it looks like there are going to be between 6 – 10 kids staying through between the boat surf trip and the surf resort trip, so we are doing a 2 week intersession camp in Europe. I worked for this awesome organization a few years back and kept in touch with them and they are a travel camp in Europe. They are letting me tack on my kids to one of their groups and we are just going to follow their itinerary if I help out and act as their translator in Germany and Spain. We just need to work out the cost per kid and get all the necessary forms and get all that crap out to the parents by the third week of June, which of course all falls on my shoulders! But 90% of all the forms I have already had sent to me in PDF so it’s just a matter of collecting the rest and shooting it all out in emails once I have all the details.

This summer is just getting better and better. I am such the mover and shaker it’s UNREAL, but I am going to be sooo exhausted once it’s all over! I can feel it already. Bradley is going to have his work cut out for him keeping me in a good mood and high energy all summer long. I’m not going to lie; I probably got the better end of that deal!