One of the things we bonded over is the fact that we're both SoCal (I'm from LA and he's from OC) boys stuck in this NorCal hellhole together. So when I mentioned I wanted to go home to LA for Xmas, he asked if he could tag along for the journey. "Lucky" me, his grandparents live in my hometown so he asked if I could drop him off there.
We left a couple days early so we could buy a bunch of wine in Paso Robles and then camp at Morro Bay because we both love nature and outdoor sex. It was nice and I honestly enjoy Peter's company which is rare for me to even have thoughts like that about anyone. My first "I've made a HUGE mistake" moment came when we pulled up in front of his grandparent's house. I KNEW this house intimately. Like I literally had my first kind of sort of group sex experience in this house. I wouldn't really call it an orgy... It was more just 4 couples all having sex in the same room occasionally touching each other due to proximity. There were drugs and team sport bonding situations going on. Don't judge me.
So we're sitting in the car and I tell Peter all of this, then I'm like, "Yo Peter, your mom isn't Caroline is it? Cuz it would be super weird if your mom was at this sort of orgy I attended back in the day..." He tells me that Caroline's his aunt and she's actually at the house with her husband and 3 kids!
I'd agreed to an outdoor barbecue brunch a couple days earlier so I had to go in, but I was super nervous and didn't want to be there. I grabbed my hat and sunglasses to do my best to be incognito for as long as possible and I journeyed into the fucking lion's den. In the backyard I finally see Peter's family. The whole clan is spaced out around this massive outdoor patio drinking mimosas and bloody marys.
I saw Caroline IMMEDIATELY! She got OLD and large (is that ok to say?). I'm still wearing my sunglasses and hat because it's super sunny and it's a great excuse to not take them off. I get introduced to the family and we all sat down and started drinking. Caroline is distracted with her kids and husband and whatever else rich country club moms do. So it was super easy to avoid any awkwardness because she was too busy dealing with her own chaos. The inevitable "where are you from" question comes up. I kept it vaguely specific (they're from the horse part and I'm from the beach part of the hill) then quickly changed the subject.
Peter's a little shit. It's one of the things I sometimes like about him. So this is when he tells everyone that I know Caroline. And without a hint of sarcasm her husband says, "BABE. That's adorable! The kid you used to babysit is now dating your nephew!" The look of horror as she recognizes me and registers what her husband said to her at the same time. Priceless. Then there's me. I do what I always do when I am super uncomfortable, I start laughing hysterically.
Caroline straight up shoots murder eyes at her husband and tells him that she did not babysit me and we in fact went to elementary, middle school, and high school together (I only recall HS, but who am I to argue!) . And that's when the FUCKING yearbook came out. Sooo many of the pages had pictures of me in them and I didn't enjoy remembering those manic and destructive days. Varsity Surf, Hockey and Golf. Forensics team, Asian Pacific Islander leader of the year, SB VP, homecoming king, most likely to succeed, best personality, best smile, best friends (me and Tyler. Literally the most iconic duo since day one!). Superficially looking at these things you'd never guess I was always one step away from jumping off the cliff at the end of my backyard.
But that's not something people say out loud. So I smiled and joked about peaking in HS and poured myself another bloody mary. For the next half hour Caroline kept trying to exaggerate our relationship, but I never really liked her, so I had nothing to contribute. She was super clingy and insecure and not really part of my friend group. The only distinct memories I had of her was the intro to group sex situation and a handjob she aggressively pressured me into receiving on a school trip in Catalina. Aside from that I only remember that she made me feel uncomfortable with her constant need to be liked and included but also how she was so unbelievably cruel and vindictive to people she thought she was better than.
She wouldn't stop with all these stories about how close we were and all the things we used to do together. I just felt dirty. It's weird because I remember a lot of the stories she mentioned, but in the majority of them, I don't remember her being there! High School was 20 years ago and apparently she hasn't changed at all because she's still making me feel uncomfortable with her lies and insecurities. The more she spoke the more I remembered all the reasons why I never liked her. Sleazy, manipulative, fake, and unashamed of how disgusting she is! I had to leave because I just couldn't be around her. I politely yet firmly let everyone know I had to leave IMMEDIATELY.
Peter followed me out and we smoked a joint together on the horse trail. I apologized and just let him know his aunt wasn't always a kind person and always makes me feel uneasy when I'm around her. He laughed and said both he and his parents felt the same. Then we kissed as I groped his ass for a couple minutes, slapped it, and told him I'd see him next year. And as an afterthought I casually mentioned that I'd drive an hour south to Newport to pick him up if it meant avoiding another run in with Caroline.
