Friday, November 30, 2007

Where in the world is RGB!?

I have discovered that place (in the pic) is actually a cool place to hang out and ride bikes when it's not the middle of tourist season! I am on a train going to Cannes right now, and I can't remember where I am heading after that... I am beyond tired and I am having some serious issues sleeping. My internal clock is all kinds of fucked up! Plus it's like super duper cold and I didn't bring any big jackets with me. I might actually have to go shopping, and we all know how much I hate shopping!

I was about to post a pic of me from the party I threw last night, but I didn't really have that much on (clothing wise) and I noticed how offended everybody was by my naked boyfriend with my last post. SO I decided against making the same mistake twice!

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Me and Brad

I guess I just wanted to brag a little about the fact that my boyfriend is hotter than yours. JUST KIDDING!! I have something of substance to add... But seriously, how much do you want to lick my boyfriend's stomach? I totally have the best arm candy in town don't I?

Okay maybe I lied. I don't really have anything much to say. I was just sitting in an airport somewhere on the east coast checking out the pics from my birthday party that were emailed to me. How cute do me and Bradley look in this pic completely wasted and falling all over each other? I am headed to Europe for the next week. I am not sure how often I will be able to update because of the crazy hectic schedule "the man" has planned for me.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Bloody Knuckles

Have you ever done something bad, and then didn’t feel guilty about it; then that lack of guilt made you feel guilty because you know you should feel guilty in the first place? I have a problem with people who try to intimidate me. My intimidators learn very fast that the consequences to such negative stimuli includes (but is not limited to) tears that are seldom my own.

It was my birthday. I had just finished off a few beers with some friends when Brad showed up. So we went for a walk. I was a little buzzed, which lowered my inhibitions ever so slightly. This is when I did something a little crazy! I walked down the street holding my boyfriend’s hand, then we stopped and I kissed him. We weren’t exactly in WeHo, so I should have known better. But I wasn’t thinking about it until I heard some guy scream out, “Fags!”

I was in the guy’s face before I had time to fully register what he had said, and my reaction to him saying it. In my most polite voice (or whatever the opposite of polite is) I warned him that shouting such flagrant statements might not be in his best interest. He then got right in my face (in a semi-menacing manner) obviously trying to intimidate me, and asked me what I was going to do about it, so I broke his nose. He really shouldn’t have invaded my personal space.

I gave him a minute to recover, and I asked him if we were finished. I guess he wasn’t because he tried to hit me, so I punched him in the nose again. This poor guy is going to have two of the blackest eyes EVER. It took everything I had to not just laugh in his face for being all pitiful and what not. I was actually looking forward to a little fight, and he looked like he was going to be able to give it to me. Unfortunately he couldn’t fight worth shit and I left him bloodied on the street and my shirt completely ruined with splatters of this bastard’s blood.

Does it make me a bad person that I was more worried about how I was going to get the stains out of my shirt and not what he was going to do about his mangled nose? Oh well the past is in the past right? I really need to get my temper under control because one of these days I could get arrested for acting out like this. Then again, what kind of self respecting gay basher is going to admit he got his ass kicked by a fag? Especially one that's only 5'7 and 130 lbs. That's just something that most guys would want to keep to themselves...

Oh well... Happy birthday me. A year older and a year wiser but still pretty stupid and more hot headed than ever. I never said I was perfect.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Grandma's House!

I am at my grandmother's house getting ready to stuff my face for Thanksgiving! It's a very important holiday that we celebrate here in America, commemorating the day we pulled one over on the Native Americans and tricked them into saving us (by providing food and teaching us how to grow crops) over a particularly hard winter and in return we massacred them and stuck them onto desolate lands that they died a very slow and painful death we were meant to. It's all quite inspirational, so we gather around the table and give thanks we aren't Native Americans and then eat until we are sick!

Grandma owns a restaurant and cooks better than any person on the planet as far as I am concerned. I am going to be out of commission over the next few days as I try and recover from the massive amounts of food I am going to consume at tomorrow's festivities. Let's all hope that I won't slip into a food coma and die from eating too much turkey!

Friday, November 16, 2007

Recharging and such

I am home and I am a little psyched about not having to fly anywhere this weekend! My next couple engagements have been rescheduled due to unforeseen circumstances. I spent all my down time in NYC catching up on my studies to the point where I am actually a little ahead of where I need to be and that’s totally a plus. Also I have been extremely grateful that my biggest immediate problem was dealing with the drastic climate change (It was 38 and humid in NYC and when I flew home on Tuesday it was 90 and dry!).

All of my free time has been spent at the beach over the last few days. Not that I have actually had a lot of free time, but still I have managed to make it down to the water for some quality time with the boyfriend on a daily basis! The waves haven’t really been anything to write home about, but that’s why God invented skimbaords. I have also been spending a lot of time catching up on some stuff with my other not so glamorous jet-setting job (When I have more time to write it, I have to share a pretty interesting event with you guys concerning this other job). Lastly there was the torrent of emails I received on my last post that I have yet to deal with… I am sorry that I haven’t actually responded to any of them, I am just not really sure how to. I hope all of you understand. Still I was very happy to receive all the emails that I did, and I don’t want you guys to think I am ungrateful or anything like that.

On a completely different subject, Tuesday when I came home a bunch of people came over and through a small welcome home party for me! It was awesome and we got pretty wasted, but halfway through the whole thing, Brad gave me that, “Come Hither”, stare that he does so well, and we ditched the party for some sex (that was a lot of commas in one sentence! Don’t go all grammar police on me!). It’s hard (no pun intended) to try and be quiet when I haven’t had sex in over a week. I am pretty sure that there were a couple of not so muffled screams that could be heard over the loud music and the normal party ruckus my krew is famous for. Oh well. Modesty is for prudes, closet cases, and guys with really small penises.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Sometimes, I smoke.

Ever since I started earning enough money to do so, I have always given my mother a portion of it. Over the years the amount of money that I have given good ol’ mom was proportionate to how munch money I was making at the time, but for the last 2 years it’s been pretty much the same. I don’t mind helping out my mother, she needs the money and I have it to give.

However this year has been especially hard for me to get money to her because my income has been sporadic at best. Then once Eddie and I broke up, my financial burdens became a lot more apparent. I had a pretty decent job that covered all of my needs, but it didn’t leave me with much to give to my mom. This is when I accepted a position working for an old sponsor completely outside of anything they had ever paid me to do before. It’s fun work and it provides me with more than enough money to give my mother, and pay all my bills, and purchase all the candy and junk food myself and an army of like minded people could ever ear!

Still no matter how much fun my second job is, it’s still a lot of work and a lot of sacrifice. I am always tired, I have very little free time to spend with my friends or my boyfriend, and I am constantly playing catch up with all the things I need to get done (homework, work work, housework, etc.). So while I do enjoy what my job requires of me, I would much rather stay home and take pleasure in the more simple things life has to offer. The only reason why I am sacrificing my time, my sleep and maybe even my relationship is for my mother.

For over a year I have been forced to deal with a lot of shit she has thrown my way. There have been plenty of tears and more pain and self destruction than I care to admit, or even think about. Still I was always optimistic that she would accept me and move on. However lately I feel like my optimism is doing more harm to my general wellbeing than anything else. I have finally reached a point where I feel like maybe it is time to stop taking all her crap and move on.

My mother is by no means, a poor woman. She makes over 100k a year, lives in a 7 bedroom home (fully paid off), and drives a Mercedes SUV. That said, she is stretched pretty thin. I have 5 siblings and 4 cousins that live with my mother full time. She is a single parent and she is putting all of her children (even the ones she didn’t birth) through private school, and very expensive club sports.

I had been thinking about stopping the whole money thing with my mother for over a year for a plethora of reasons. The least of all the reasons being malice, which I didn’t want my mom to accuse me of. Still the longer I put off these feelings, the more malicious the whole situation became. This makes me sad because I hate doing things out of anger, or to get revenge. It fucks with me and I feel like shit until I find a way to remedy the situation. Still no matter how much I told myself that when the time finally came for me to actually make a decision either way, there was going to be some malice/revenge involved somewhere.

Let’s be honest here. I am a little bitter about how my mother and the rest of my siblings have been treating me as of late. Every time I write out this check to them I am a little angry that I am supporting the happiness and well being of people that wouldn’t hesitate to call me, or the millions of guys out there like me, a fag and tell me I am going to hell. It bothers me how I am not good enough to be a part of the family, but how my money is still the right shade of green for them to use for whatever their little pious hearts require.

October was the first month I didn’t send my mother her check, it was oddly freeing and a little bit cathartic. I had been obsessing about this nonstop for so long that when I actually went through with it, I went days feeling like there was something I had forgotten to do. I wasn’t sure what I expected to come out of this whole debacle. I was positive she wasn’t going to call me up and apologize for hurting my feelings and invite me to Sunday dinner. If she had I would have lost all respect for her and probably never spoken to her again!

November started and for a second month I didn’t send my mom a check. Nothing has really changed for me though. Except this time around it feels a lot less cathartic and my guilt level has gone through the roof. It’s never really been about the money. I HATE MONEY! It was about me taking a stand and letting my mother know it was not okay for her to treat me this way. This was about me telling her that I wasn’t going to just let her walk all over me and take it. I have feelings and my feelings and well beings need to be considered before she tells me all the reasons why I am such an awful person.

So there you have it. Fuck altruism! When it comes right down to it, I am just as sadistic as the next bastard.

Thursday, November 08, 2007

I blame New Zealand!

I tried so hard to get some work done! I REALLY REALLY DID! But the waves were MASSIVE ASSIVE yesterday! Seriously they were like 6ft with the occasional 12footer! Brad and I totally blew off all our responsibilities and headed out to our special spot before the sun came up, and we pretty much stayed there until we were too tired to walk back to our car.

I got absolutely nothing done, but how could I say no to mother nature when she clearly needed me to spend the day riding her (Did that sound dirty?)!? I woke up at 4:00 am this morning for my flight at 5:00 am. I am in NYC and I am freezing my ass off! It is so fucking cold I can't even tell you guys! Yesterday the water was about the same temperature as it is here in NYC, but I had a wetsuit and I was doing something I loved so it didn't really phase me! I am sitting in my apartment under an electric blanket and the heat all the way up and I am still freezing. I really really hate winter.

I have such a busy weekend going on and I really need to man up and deal with the cold weather! I have to be uptown tonight, midtown tomorrow night and New Jersey (I am seriously not looking forward to this one) Saturday night. Well I am going to put on a couple pairs of thermal underwear then my clothes and then my snowboarding jacket and meet some friends for dinner. I am not looking forward to this excursion at all!

I remember when my dad and I were searching for a place for me to live, and I was like, "OOOOO!! I want to live here!" and I my dad told me, "Are you sure that you want to live here? You are nowhere near a subway and I know how much you hate to go anywhere in the cold. Do you really think you will be able to deal with something like this everyday??" I was such a loser! I really should have listened to my dad and gotten a place a little closer to a fucking subway station.

Okay, I am totally done with my tangent now. Wish me luck guys.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007


I ended up crashing pretty early last night. I was just so beat from all my jetsetting and pants dropping that right after dinner with Brad I passed out on the couch! I woke up this morning refreshed and a lot less psycho than I was the day before. After missing an entire night of working, I decided to keep the momentum going by catching some waves. However when I got out there the ocean was soupy as hell and while it was clear that some of the waves were atleast 6ft, I didn't feel like getting rocked and swallowing half the ocean.

So what's a boy to do when he wants to play hookie all day when his sport of choice isn't a viable option? Some pool riding with a buddy from the dessert of course! While skateboarding is a lame substitute for surfing, there's something about pool skating that's kind of exhilarating. When it was all said and done, I was bleeding profusely from my left elbow and I am pretty sure that my right knee is going to be swollen as hell tomorrow. And I am so happy I went out there because that was more fun than I have had in a very long time! Plus having a swollen knee and a busted elbow are great excuses to stay home and get some work done...

I still have something on my mind that I need to think about, but like I said, I am way less neurotic about it now. Brad's bringing over some Pho, and then we are going to watch some movies before I try and make my second attempt at getting some actual work done. I fly out to my next excursion on Thursday and I want to at least finish the portrait that I have been slaving over for the last 2 weeks and maybe even start the stupid research for my paper. We will see...

Monday, November 05, 2007

Home! For awhile...

I somehow managed to stay away from the alcohol! Yet somehow, other recreational party substances made their way into my system...

I am beyond tired and I have a million things to do. Tonight Brad and I are going to have some "us" time, and then I am going to stay up all night painting and maybe if I get really crazy I might even start researching my 40 page APA format research paper. Yeah, I totally know how to live it up guys!

I have something kind of major on my mind... I am having some issues finding the words to put my feelings into terms a third person could understand. When I figure myself out a little more, I will let you guys in on it!

Thursday, November 01, 2007

The Day After...

Last night was Halloween. There were a few parties, lots of alcohol, and people feeling me up everywhere I went. This is what I got for wearing some tiny shorts and roller skates as a costume, but damn I looked sexy!

This morning I woke up very sore and extremely hungover. November and December are going to be so jam packed with my obligations, I am not sure if I will have much time to post. I have done the math and I am going to be spending around 9 hours a week on an airplane, and almost 4 days a week in a different timezone than my own. I need a nap just thinking about all the shit I have to do!

I know that I am bitching about all the things I have going on, but it's all my own doing and most of it is going to be FUN. I almost feel guilty complaining because not only am I about to embark on one of the most amazing adventures of my life, but I am also getting compensated GENEROUSLY for it.

Okay I need to go. My hangover is kicking my ass. I am craving chicken mcnuggets, a Jamba Juice (strawberry surfrider) and one hour of jogging.