Thursday, January 28, 2010

Care Package!

The problem with masturbation and me is my crappy wrists and my inability to climax in under 10 minutes. After a couple of minutes my wrists start to ache, then after 5 they start to burn like they were on fire, and this is when I usually give it up with 2 burning wrists and a set of aching blue balls! So needless to say, January started off with lots of sexual frustration and unusable appendages. THEN, this week I received a care package from my boyfriend. In it was a fleshjack, a couple of really REALLY HOT pics of Bradley, and a time when I could get him on video-chat for some live action. Who knew there was a device out there that could alleviate all my pain and bring me SO MUCH GOD DAMN PLEASURE!?

There's something about being able to get intimate with my boyfriend that calmed me down even more than a good wank. I have been sooo stressed out by work and all my extracurriculars I have taken on so I wouldn't have any free time to think about how I have become a lonely spinster with no boyfriend and no best friend to pass the time with. Between my 60 hour weeks in the office, the 2 postcards I promised to design for my favorite nonprofit, and the recreational sports team I decided to join, I don't actually get to sleep anymore. But after Bradley's first video chat with me, I slept for 11 hours straight!

I don't really even know what the point of this post is, except to say that I was in serious need of some sexual release and I FINALLY GOT IT! SWEET SWEET RELEASE! Also the sex aside, it really made me feel good that Brad was all the way where he was and he's still thinking about me; taking care of me. I miss him so much it hurts. I know it really hasn't been that long since he left, but it's just the idea of how long he's actually going to be gone that's psyching me out. I totally understand that all this was was a sexual aid and some nude photos, but it was so much more than that to me. I am so whipped it's all kinds of pitiful! But I am damn proud that I am.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

self-pity party!

I have been listening to a whole lot of Say Anything lately. I swear, me and Max Bemis would have so much fun terrorizing the town it's not even funny! They would make after school specials warning all the other kids of such deviant behavior and our story would be told over and over each time growing more and more fantastic with each retelling until we became legends!

This month I said goodbye to two of the most important men in my life, my best friend and my boyfriend. Tyler is moving to Chicago for his Master's degree and I am freaking out a whole lot without my partner in crime. But compounding my heartache is my fucking boyfriend shipping off across the ocean to one of Europe's most distinguished learning institutions! I am trying to not make a big deal out of this. I haven't lost my best friend, he's just going to school in a different state. I haven't broken up with the love of my life, he just prefers to live in a different fucking continent than I do!

Tyler's been gone a week and I am already flying up to see him this Friday for the long holiday weekend. Before Tyler left we threw one of the biggest parties of our lives that culminated in a lost bet and crazy shenanigans in freezing cold water on a beach with no sand, just really sharp and jagged rocks! In the morning Tyler was so hungover he almost missed his flight, and we only had time for a brief hug and a good solid chest bump before he took off. LA hasn't been the same since he left and if it weren't for the fact that I am flying up to see him in 2 days, I would very likely be in the deepest funk of my life thinking about life without my number one homie.

Before Brad left we spent some serious time in bed before he put a ring on my finger. I was LIVID! Who the fuck did he think he was, thinking I was going to be okay with a FUCKING RING ON MY FUCKING FINGER!? I think my thoughts were written all over my face because Brad started explaining what it was all about real quick. First he started off by explaining that if 2009 taught him anything it was that if he liked it then he better put a ring on it. So I punched him as hard as I could in the arm and gave him one more chance to save himself from being murdered in my bed! So he began again but this time he was way serious. He started by bringing up how we never really talked about what was going to happen with our relationship while he was abroad. He swore to me that he had no expectations of any kind where "WE" were concerned, except that I keep him with me always and love him as much as he loves me. This ring wasn't his way of marking his territory with me, but just a reminder that he belonged to me and this is his way of acknowledging that this time apart isn't going to be easy.

The thing about me is when the emotions start to flare up I begin to shut down. It doesn't matter if these emotions are good or bad, they just have to be strong, and I am instantly rendered a cylon. Brad knew exactly how to approach this in a way that I could handle, which is NO EASY TASK; I am 12 kinds of crazy and not even apologizing for it! If that's not love then I honestly don't know what is. I will wait for him as long as it takes without breaking a sweat because this man is willing to jump through hoops just so he can find a way to tell me he loves me without me freaking out about it. I am a hard person to love, so of course I am going to hold onto him through this no matter what, because what are the chances anybody else out there is going to be willing to put up with all my shit!?

I know that I still have a million friends all around me, but for some reason I am feeling crazy lonely! Like all the people that matter in my life are off having adventures while I sit at home and slave away in an office. It feels awkward being on this end of a goodbye. I am usually the one taking off on some kind of adventure, it's like karma came after me with a vengeance! Like I said before, I am trying to not get too down about this because NOTHING has ended! There's just a little more distance between me and the people I love than I am used to.