Saturday, December 29, 2007

Six Months...

We've been together for 6 months as of last night. I guess it's kind of a big deal but it honestly feels like we haven't even been together for a month. Yet at the same time, thinking back to when we first met seems like a million years ago! Is that weird?

Last night, after a big day of snowboarding Bradley and I had a nice and quiet evening. We basically spent the entire night talking. We haven't been able to spend a whole lot of time with each other over the last couple months, so it was nice having this time to reconnect. We really did have a lot to talk about. As per usual, I have been a self absorbed asshole and had a lot of apologizing to do. But also as usual, my charming personality and disarming smile were more than enough to get my ass out of the dog house!

I am loving life a lot right now. Its good to be finishing out this year on a high note after all the shit I have had to deal with.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Lazy Day...

One of my favorite things to do is watch, "The biggest loser". But it's more than just watching it that I enjoy, it's actually an entire ritual that I do. First I need to stumble upon it completely on accident. Then the actual ritual begins! I first pause the Tivo and let the show get a little ahead of itself so I don't have to deal with the commercials. Then I run to the kitchen and make myself a HUGE double fudge brownie sundae with everything on it! Including a fresh brownie on the bottom and hot fudge smothered all over the top, 3 scoops of vanilla ice cream, 2 cherries, and more whipped cream than any person should ever put on a single sundae! Then I plop myself on the couch and pig out while I watch the show.

I have no idea what it is about the show that makes me like it so much, and I have no idea why I enjoy eating like a 9 year old while I am watching. Maybe something about eating all those deliciously evil calories and still maintaining my six pack makes me feel really good about myself or maybe I am just a bastard and I kind of feel like in some way this is torture for all those people on the tv screen and somehow even if they can't see me they can sense what I am doing! Whatever my reasoning for my "biggest loser" rituals, they are what they are and it's to late to change them.

So when I turned on the TV this morning I was a more than a little excited to see that there was a biggest loser marathon taking place! So I paused the TV and ran into the kitchen to make myself some ridiculously fattening foods. It was still morning and I was feeling the need for more than a sundae, so I opened up the pantry and thought really hard on what I could make myself and Bradley. I decided on banana and chocolate chip pancakes with powdered sugar and assorted warmed syrups. They were AMAZING, and by the time we were both all done I was on cloud 9!

Once the commercials finally caught up with me and I couldn't fast forward anymore, I decided it was time for the next meal. So the Tivo went back to pause and I sent Bradley to the market for some supplies while I hit the kitchen to start making are next feast! While I waited for my supplies to arrive I threw some refried beans onto a pan and some boxed instant spanish rice onto another. Then I grated a block of cheese and just as I was finishing heating up the tortillas Bradley arrived with the rest of our food for the day! I threw the green sauce into a pot and added a clove of garlic (old family secret!) then I started shredding the pre-cooked chicken. about 20 minutes later we were eating Enchiladas smothered in cheese, with refried beans and spanish rice on the side. YUM!!!

By the end of that meal I was pretty much in a food coma and I couldn't have been more happy. I really enjoy eating. Bradley and I took a few breaks to do a couple hundred sit ups and some pretty decent living room sex. We were actually able to go almost 5 hours before the commercials finally caught up with us again. So that gave me plenty of time to let the food pass through me and give Bradley and I ample time to prepare for a 3rd glutenous feast of the day.

Dinner was pretty simple. We threw a couple of porterhouse steaks on the grill and made some instant mashed potatoes and canned gravy. For dessert we had some fresh chocolate chip cookies and a couple scoops of ice cream. As the final episode ended, we both agreed that Brain from California was really hot, and that we really needed to go on a 2 mile [minimum] jog before we went to bed. So we did and now it's like almost 10 and I am ready to sleep.

Christmas was super hectic for me. There was a little drama that I don't really have enough time to get into at the moment, but for the most part it was pretty enjoyable. I got a couple of AMAZING presents that actually made me cry, and I even gave a couple of presents that had the same effect (which is always a pretty awesome feeling). Tomorrow Bradley and I are headed up to Mammoth for some snowboarding and such with a dozen of our closest friends to ring in the new year and have some serious drunken shenanigans. I hope everybody reading has had an amazing christmas and are gearing up to have an even more awesome new year.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Too much???

My Uncle decided to buy a couple of decorations for my house while Bradley and I were gone. I was a little shocked when I got home and saw the atrocity that is now my front lawn. He asked me what I thought of his "decorating skills" and I did my best to smile and look enthused. But to be honest it all just seems way too much and completely over the top. Right? I mean it's not just me that thinks this is all completely gaudy and ridiculously hideous. is it?

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Both Bradley and I took our last final this past week and we decided we needed a change of scenery. It actually worked out nicely because I have this promo photo shoot thing so the sponsors are actually paying for our hotel room. There's a lot going on right now, so I am not sure if I am going to have time to write for awhile. In case I don't get a chance, Merry Christmas!

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

After thoughts...

When I punched that guy for heckling me while kissing my boyfriend, I didn’t think it was a bad thing because I lost control. I felt bad because I am a trained fighter and this guy obviously wasn’t! I got a lot of emails from people after I posted that and they were congratulating me and telling me about how they once felt empowered and had done something similar. But there was a huge difference from what they did and what I did! The difference was that I was trained to do it better and make it hurt more!

I have been losing my cool and fighting a lot lately. Every fight I have been in I am willing to go out on a limb and say that they all deserved what they got, but it still doesn’t justify me losing my temper. I am just so angry about so many things lately and it doesn’t take much to set me off. It’s a lot more than me being angry with my mom and all her bullshit. It’s also about me having to constantly be on guard and sensor myself when I am in public with my boyfriend. I need to watch what I say, my body language, and how and where I want to touch him! It’s total BS and I am sick and tired of dealing with it.

I am not entirely sure of how I am going to deal with this problem. But I am fairly certain that beating the crap out of every guy that pisses me off really isn’t the proper way to handle my issues. Besides, one of these days I am going to come up against somebody who is going to be able to kick my ass, and that's just not going to be good news for anybody! The last time somebody got a lucky couple of punches on me, Tyler and Johnny made sure to return the favor plus some... It wasn't a pretty sight.

Lately I have been doing my best to channel all this anger and hostility in a more acceptable manner. So I turned one of the spare rooms into my personal sparring area and Johnny comes over all the time to play with me! I know it looks like I have the upper hand in the pic, but I am literally half a second from being knocked on my ass and put in a headlock. God damn I love to fight!

Saturday, December 08, 2007

When we were young...

This is a picture of me, Tyler, and Trip. I remember this day like it was yesterday. About 9 of us took off on senior ditch day for a road trip, and turned it into senior ditch week! The girls had dared us into sunbathing in our underwear while people passed by on their kayaks. It was pretty funny watching some of the faces that the people made as they kayaked (that's a verb right?) by! In high school we were infamous for the stuff we used to pull, but we were just too fucking adorable to stay mad at!

I guess that looking back Trip was always the craziest of us all. That's saying a lot because between the three of us, there was a car driven into a garage door, sex with a couple of slutty moms, a week in Vegas complete with strippers and alcohol at 15, sex with more girls at once than I have fingers on my right hand, that night in Puerto Rico on our senior trip, and a million other things that would be far too incriminating even for this anonymous blog! We all had parents that pretty much gave us every freedom that NO teenager should ever have, but Trip's parents were literally never there. His dad was based in NYC and his mom was somewhere in Europe doing God knows what! I am pretty sure that if child services how known what was going on, well his parents would have had to pay them off also.

After high school Trip didn't do so well... He became a stereotypical cautionary tale of what happens when you combine an unlimited supply of money and no responsibility or accountability because your parents are to busy vacationing in France or on a business trip in Japan. The last time I saw him was a year and a half ago. He was so strung out and used up that I barely recognized him. He looked like a skeleton with pale yellow skin stretched over it. His parents were just about to send him to rehab for the third time and he was already planning this massive party complete with all the alcohol and drugs he would want when he got out.

Trip overdosed on Sunday and died. At the end we didn't even know each other, but for a majority of our lives we were each other's shadows. I know I said I haven't seen him in over a year, but I miss him already. I had always assumed that one day he would get his act together and we would be able to get our friendship back.

So Trip, you were my friend and I loved you dude. For some reason the loudest thought in my head at the moment is, "You lucky bastard! At least for you it's finally all over.".

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

really tired

London was fun like it always is. I love going places where I speak the language, it makes life so much easier when you are trying to find a restroom!

Eddie and I had a lot to talk about. Most of it wasn't as pleasant as I would have liked. There were plenty of tears from both of us, and definitely some hurt feelings. It's hard when a relationship ends and it's not because either person stopped loving the other, or the passion just died. When I saw Eddie, I still felt that same love and passion I have always had for him, and he for me, but I wasn't the same guy anymore. I guess that the good thing to come out of this whole mess was that we both finally got some closure. The one thing I knew for sure after that first day was that there was no going back on the decision we made. It's definitely over for good.

Monday, December 03, 2007

Where in the World is RGB?: Parth 3

Yesterday was intense. I am not even close to being ready to talk about it, but I feel the need to type something just to keep my mind busy. So let's backtrack to what I was up to this weekend! I went to Ephesus and the most interesting thing of the whole experience (to me anyway) was the toilets! How awesome is it that they had public bathrooms before electricity? Oh woops. I guess I kind of gave away where I was so the whole "where in the world is RGB" thing doesn't really work... To late I have already gone to far. Erasing and starting over at this point is just no longer an option!

It's like 5 in the morning and again I have only slept a few hours. Europe is totally kicking my ass! I am going to go for a jog and get really lost because I have no idea where I am so finding my way back should prove quite the challenge. I think that maybe clearing my mind with some exercise before I go meet Eddie for round two might be a good idea. Besides, my fat ass needs the exercise anyway! I guess fat would be the wrong word because my pants are actually looser than normal, but I have definitely lost a lot of muscle mass and gained a lot of fat. I think I should go with doughy! My doughy ass needs to get some exercise.

Sunday, December 02, 2007

Where in the World is RGB?: Part 2

I met some pretty awesome back packers last night that were going on this little hike today and I decided to join them. I am so happy I went because not only was the company awesome, the view was breath taking. My favorite part about any trip when I go traveling are the people that I meet and the unexpected things I end up doing as a result of that.

Tomorrow I am flying to London for the final leg of my mini euro trip. I am actually going to be meeting up with Eddie. We haven't seen each other since the beginning of the summer and I am extremely nervous about how this is all going to play out. A couple of weeks ago he was in town for the premier of this movie he'd been working on and I made up a pretty lame excuse to get out of seeing him because I didn't know how I was going to react to him. It was extremely cowardly of me to do something like that, and I haven't stopped beating myself up over it because Eddie deserves a lot more respect and courtesy than I showed him.

I really want to look my best tomorrow when I see Eddie, but I haven't slept much in the last few days and I look like a strung out drug addict. It's already 2am and my flight is at 9am so tonight obviously isn't going to be the night where I catch up on my beauty rest! I honestly don't know what I am so nervous about. I am about to see the guy that made me feel more comfortable in my own skin than anybody had ever done before.

Honestly I am just hoping things are going as well for him as they are for me. Eddie is an extremely hard worker and a very talented artist. He can get started on a project and before he realizes it he's gone an entire day (or maybe longer) without eating or taking a break! He can also be a little introverted especially when he's working on something, and before he realizes it he's all depressed and moody and has no idea why! I sound so ridiculous right now so I am going to stop! I just really hope that he's taking care of himself. I know my family life is a complete mess and school is really stressing me out, but I am genuinely happy with the way things have worked out for me. I really hope that he feels the same way about his life because all I would ever want for him is to be happy.