Tuesday, August 08, 2006

It's the Statue of Liberty!

I really want to thank everybody for all of the emails that I received over the last day. I am always very shocked when I write a post and then I wake up the next morning and see that I have so many emails that they won't even fit on a single window! I went through most of them, and they were all very positive and supportive, so thanks. Also a lot of people had a lot of theories on why I was freaking out about this whole situation. Although nobody really hit the nail on the head, I was able to figure it out on my own and that actually made me feel a lot better.

I think my biggest problem with that whole situation was that I hate violence. Growing up, I never really wanted to take martial arts. I always wanted to surf or sit in my room drawing pictures all day. However my father had different plans for me and ever since I was old enough to do so, I have been taking martial arts. The one positive thing that I took away from this was that it gave me the confidence to never feel like I had to fight a person that was picking on me. Just knowing that I could win a fight was enough for me to never want to do it. I have never been the kind of guy that needed to prove myself to others, or seek validation from my peers, so showing off was never a priority either.

My whole life I have been put into situations where I have had to make a choice between fighting with my fists, or dealing with people with non violence. I have always chosen a peaceful route. There have even been a few instances where I have been attacked, but an hour later we were shaking hands and apologizing to each other. I have always thought that if I ever fought somebody with my fists, then I must have failed myself and what I represent.

I know that these were extreme circumstances because I didn't know the guy, and there was no actual time to talk things out. But that doesn't change the fact that I did something that was completely against everything that I believe in and everything that I ask other people to believe in. This made me feel like all of my ideals and morals could be compromised just as long as there was a situation that caused for extreme action. This whole train of thought opened up a huge can of worms about all sorts of issues. The more that I thought about these things the more depressed that I became.

In the end I came to the conclusion that I had done something wrong. I made a choice to fight when I could have called for help. I know that people would argue that I was just defending myself and my friend, but we all know that 2 wrongs don't make a right. I also know that if I were in the same situation I would still stand my ground and fight because I would never let anything happen to any of my friends. I guess that a reasonable man would say that violence would be okay in this situation because I only have good intentions. But just as 2 wrongs don't make a right, we also know that the road to hell is paved with good intentions!

I guess that I am pretty young and this might sound kind of naive to a lot of people that read my blog. I just felt that if you felt really strongly about something, nothing could ever shake your beliefs. The thing that I have come to realize is that anything that you really believe in can be taken away from you, given the right circumstances. Which brings me to the statue of liberty. As an American I have grown up knowing what she represents for our country, and I felt like those ideals were infallible. But now when I look at the current climate of my country, and the world, and even my personal life. I come to realize that nothing is infallible, and everything can be compromised.

11 comments:

Asher said...

You are very hard on yourself! If this had happened to another person you would be comforting them and telling them that they had done the right thing. But since you are judging yourself you are a lot more hard on yourself. You are a good person who made a good decision. I think that's where this whole bad situation should end. Be happy that you were able to defent yourself and your friend. I think that you are a really great guy, and I hope that you can forgive yourself for doing the RIGHT thing.

Josh said...

Dude, I am scared of the statue of liberty now! WOW. That's an intense little painting of yours...

I hope that you can stop beating yourself up over what happened. Completely agree with Asher. You made a good decision and because of it you and your friend are safe. That's all that matters. You are not a bad person for it. You are just over thinking a bad situation. You yourself are a really good person and you should free yourself of this crappy negativity that you are wallowing in right now!

Craig said...

It seems like you are upset about the fact that you know that given the same circumstances you would do the same thing again. I am pretty sure that even Ghandi would have kicked the shit out of this guy also! There is a difference between compromising your morals and defending yourself and the people you love in the face of clear and present danger! You didn't seek out this fight, and you didn't egg this guy on. You did nothing wrong and you shouldn't beat so hard on yourself for being a man.

Gray said...

You know, Eric, I didn't comment on yesterday's post because I thought my answer would be too harsh. I don't know what your emails have said, but the posted comments all tend to refer to self-defense. Good.

Although the Bible says "Turn the other cheek." It doesn't mean that when someone is physically attacking you that you must sit/stand there and let them beat the hell out of you. You reacted properly. Unfortunately, in my book, that reaction was delayed and it could have cost you more than a smash to the face.

Two people whom you have never met "tackle" your friend - who, the way it was described, was not physically or mentally able to defend himself at the time. You had every right in the world to kick ass and take names! In fact, forget the names, just kick ass!

Before entering the military, I would wait for the other guy to make the first move. After being educated in martial arts and self defense, my first move is to *never* give a two-to-one situation a break. *Never*! You did the right thing. My only problem with it all is that you waited too long. You should have expected the hit and should have reacted as soon as you saw the fist coming toward you (because you should have been comtemplating that happening)!

Stop feeling that you let yourself down and start realizing that God never meant for Christians to be second class citizens. Defend yourself. Mentally first, if that is all possible. But, definitedly, defend yourself physically (*without guilt*) whenever it is necessary.

Marc said...

All that I can think to say is that you must be a freakin saint! If I knew how to fight as well as you do, I would never let anybody act aggressive towards me! You have a level of restraint that is insane. I don't think that you compromised your integrity by fighting back. Your friend needed you and you helped him. You have done your good deed for the week. THE END! Let's all go grab some ice cream and celebrate now.

Kiel said...

I agree with everybody who has commented. SOmetimes you just have to kick a little ass. After you are done you shouldn't feel bad about it becuase you know tha tthey really deserved it.

George said...

You are being way to hard on yourself. I expect a lot from myself also so I know where you are coming from. But you also have to understand that you deserve a break every one in awhile. You did the right thing.

dan said...

now I'm depressed... no just kidding. what a well-stated post, good job coming to realizations about yourself and the world, an ongoing thing in life, believe me. hey it happened, time to move on, learn, and prepare for the next experience. hope a better weekend is ahead, with lots of good waves. enjoy. later.

Thomas said...

I think that it takes a very strong person to question things like you do. Everybody in the world is so easy to make exceptions to every rule. But we need to be true to what we believe in no matter what if we ever want to become the things that we want. You made a choice that you don't agree with morally, and maybe you are right and maybe you are wrong, but don't let others make this decision for you. Stick to what your heart is telling you and find a way to deal with it.

I love your painting. It speaks to me

Anonymous said...

Loser

John said...

You really impressed me with this post. I don't agree with the way that you are putting yourself down. But you do make a good point that is hard to argue with.

But I just feel that you need to be easier on yourself.