Wednesday, February 06, 2008


My father and I had a falling out a few weeks ago. Basically my stepmother has been having a lot of issues with him spending all this time with me, so she asked him to stop, and he agreed.

He looked me right in the eyes and he said, "Son, I love you, but you have to try and understand where she's coming from. You know you have never made life easy on her. You can't really blame her can you?"

Top 5 Things I would have rather heard
  1. "I wish I would have worn a condom because this whole situation would be a lot easier!"
  2. "Son, I have testicular cancer."
  3. "You are the biggest disappointment any father could have in their son."
  4. "Once I perfect this wire hanger abortion trick, I am building myself a time machine to set things right!"
  5. "I hate you."

Unfortunately he didn't say any of those 5 statements I listed above. He said the one thing that hurt more than anything else he could ever say to me. In that moment I saw myself through his eyes, and I realized that I was tired of it. The bullshit from my mom is a lot less painful to deal with because at least she's honest with her feelings!

So in a calm voice, I said, "Get the fuck out of my house and never come back."

So he did. And that was the end of it. I didn't even cry because I have been preparing myself for this moment ever since he came back into my life.

After it happened, I didn't tell anybody. I did my best to keep myself busy so I wouldn't have to think about it. When I wasn't busy I kept telling myself it wasn't a big deal because I saw this coming from a mile away. I think I finally started to crack after my evening with Mrs. Tyler. It was a lot easier for me to deal with this when I thought I was unlovable.

I know what you guys are thinking! You are thinking, "HELLO!? Doesn't your boyfriend love you!?" Well yeah! Of course Bradley loves me! But that's completely different. It's easy to love me if you get to have sex with me! I am extremely gorgeous, I have a huge penis (well at least for my size), and I know how to use it. And now you guys are thinking, "What about Tyler then!?" First I would like to say, STOP BEING SO GODDAMN ARGUMENTATIVE WHILE I AM TRYING TO TELL A STORY! Secondly I would like to add how that's completely different also. It's easy to have a platonic love with somebody that is exactly like you in every way, except for the way that I like boys and he likes girls.

I was thinking of love in more of a maternal/paternal way. In the way my parents were supposed to love me, but never quite did. Mrs. Tyler made me realize that I always had that love in both her and Mr. Tyler. It was much more than the grand gestures, like birthday and Christmas presents. It was the million little things that made me a part of the family. Like calling me over to reset the time on the microwave. Or asking me to stay when the plummer showed up so Mrs. Tyler wouldn't be alone. Or helping Mr. Tyler pick out the perfect anniversary present for Mrs. Tyler. Or even just being allowed to be a part of the family when they are the most vulnerable.

I have always had all the love in my life that I could possibly stand. It may not have been love in a traditional sense, but since when have I ever been a traditional guy? I do know that my mother and father love me, and they always will. Maybe it's alright that they never loved me as parents should, because I have always had the Tylers for that. That pic was us on a road trip when I was 11. I don't even remember where we took it, but I do remember that even though we were traveling it was one of the first times I felt like I was home.

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