Sunday, June 13, 2010

Europe in a nutshell...

I can now boast that I have had sex in EVERY COUNTRY IN WESTERN EUROPE (including the lame ones that people always forget about like Estonia and Malta)! I totally got to be a rockstar for a week when my friend's band needed somebody to sub for rhythm guitar at the beginning of their comeback tour. I came to terms with the fact that I am NEVER going to be a real rockstar because I HATE being in front of crowds like that! Brad and I got in a HUGE fight because I am kind of an asshole. We made up, then we made up some more, then we made up some more. I Got a taste of the French healthcare system when I dislocated my shoulder skating in Paris (of course it had to be Paris the fucking BUTTHOLE of Europe! I've mentioned that I really hate France didn't I?) and it really drove home how terrible healthcare in America is.

In Europe this friend of mine asked for my help with something he was trying to achieve. He presented it to me in a way where he was basically doing me the favor and this would be a really big deal for me if I accepted his offer. He wasn't lying, but I turned him down anyway because it wasn't something I was interested in doing ESPECIALLY when I was supposed to be spending time with my boyfriend I had just spent 6 months away from. Long story short, I was called an ungrateful little shit and accused of being afraid of success because of my need to be a big fish in a small pond. He pointed out how it was what I did with my athletic career, with my engineering career, and now I am doing the same thing as an artist. He basically went on to call me a loser with all this unlimited potential that has flushed it all down the toilet because I don't have the balls to nut up.

It really stung to hear these things, but not because they were true. It just is so frustrating to have a friend, who is supposed to know and understand me, accuse me of being scared. What the fuck do I have to be scared of!? I am not scared, I just know that society's idea of success is the least appealing thing on the planet to me. My friend was offering me an advertising/design job and I FUCKING HATE that shit! It's so fake and demoralizing and trashy. An artist doesn't sit around fantasizing about creating the perfect Toyota Prius ad or some lame generic beer commercial. I don't care how much money somebody is offering me, I DON'T FUCKING DO ADVERTS!

I still can't fully wrap my head around how or why I am so upset, but it definitely put this ugly dark cloud over my mood that I still haven't been able to shake. Of course there is always that small voice in the back of my head telling me that I really am scared of what's going to happen if I actually "try" at something. What if my best isn't good enough and I fail!? I have lived my whole life surrounded by people telling me how amazing I am and how I could be successful at anything I do if I try and then I fail, what the fuck does that say about me!? Or worse yet, what the fuck am I going to do if I succeed!? Is that going to be it for me? Am I going to turn into a douche in a 5 series and a pair of aviator glasses? But then I remember, that's all bullshit and I shouldn't let superficial pricks like that get in my head and try and get me to doubt myself.

So in the immortal words of one Mr. Cheech Marin, "Fuck it!"

7 comments:

Mind Of Mine said...

I commend you sticking it to the man and retaining your artistic integrity.

Trevor said...

At some point we all sell out a little bit for one reason or another. I know this one guy he's this pretty die hard purist when it comes to his art, and he's this surfer turned engineer turned artist who recently did this national commercial which is playing all over. I think you know him... Right?

Jason said...

I wasn't going to say anything, but Trevor totally opened that door didn't he!? You know the one I'm talking about right? I think you do do adverts like the one that's been playing nonstop for more than 2 months now.

RGB said...

First off guys, That was a HUGE favor to a friend who was about to have a nervous breakdown (not to mention the fact that I owe said friend my left nut and a buttload of money)! Second, after completing said project, that's when I learned I NEVER wanted to work in advertising ever again! SO SUCK IT REINDEER GAMES!

Anonymous said...

Your friend sounds like an prick. You should not let people like him effect your mood. From the above comments I am going to deduce that you have dabbled in the industry and found it lacking. I say try anything once, that way you can form a real opinion on it based on actual experiences. Good on ya! I respect that. I am also curious to see what this national ad is. Would this be something you would want to share with your readers?

Xico said...

Energy, Energy, Energy, whenever I read (its been two years now)one of your posts I get wooooshed by these great waves of energy, in what you love, in what you hate, bursts of animosity or desire...
Channel that, channel it into something that at the same time satisfying, challenging and a money maker.
As you well know there is no such thing as perfect, and compromise is part of life, I did write compromise, not sellout...and you have all the energy and ingredients for a very fulfilling life ahead

Mike said...

You had sex is all these countries!!!

Western Europe is composed of:
Andorra
Austria
Belgium
Croatia
Denmark
Finland
France
Germany
Greece
Iceland
Ireland
Italy
Liechtenstein
Luxembourg
Malta
Monaco
Netherlands
Norway
Portugal
San Marino
Spain
Sweden
Switzerland
United Kingdom
Vatican City