Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Weekend hook up

What I want is to be needed.
What I need is to be indispensable to somebody.
Who I need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my attention.
Somebody addicted to me.
A mutual addiction.

— Chuck Palahniuk

Brad took his last final Thursday morning and was in my bed that very evening. We really need to stop doing this to each other. I am going to be a fucking train wreck for days! Lucky none of my new coworkers have known me long enough to see through my plastic smile and fake plastic personality I strap on whenever I don’t feel like dealing with things. That one takes years to figure out and is more complicated to read than the Da Vinci code.

As always my time with Bradley passed way too quickly and in the end it wasn’t the most pleasant of farewells. I’ve had worse, but I have also had much much better. It just pisses me off how after all this shit, just seeing brad makes me melt. Still I kind of feel like this cycle of self destruction and mind blowing pleasure is coming to an end. He’s changing so much so fast it’s scary. It’s only a matter of time before he won’t even be the Brad I spent the last couple years of my life with. And that’s a good thing! It really feels like both of us are getting to a point where we are almost ready to move on.


Trevor said...

You are the world's biggest masochist, but if I had brad waiting for me in my bed I would be doing exactly what you did. You can't fight sexy! You just can't!

Mike said...

Let me say everybody changes around the age of 23 (some at 20 and other at 23, but EVERYBODY by the age of 24 ) . You're both changing. When you're young you know everything (facetiously, of course), then between 23 and 28 you realize you know nothing, and around 28 you realize NOBODY knows anything and everybody is just faking it. The key is to FAKE it better than everybody else!

With Mr. Bradley, if you do want to stay good friends, then you need to take the friendship out of the sexual realm, but I'm guessing much of your relationship with him is sexual. more so than "true" friends, than it different. Just be good to each other. Honor what you shared. My guess is you'll always remember it, or not.