Monday, May 05, 2008


My weekend has been extremely uneventful because of Tyler’s disgusting urge to do his best at work! I guess nobody told him that half-assing your way through the day until it’s time to go home was the American way. He has been a fucking slave driver all week long! I basically work as the liaison between his department and the programmers who are designing new software for different clients. I seem to have been uniquely educated in a way that makes me fluent in both geek and dumb ass. So I can switch from talking with a CS engineer to an MBA douche bag in less than 1.2 seconds!

Since I have gotten here I haven’t been able to go surfing once. The only fun I was allowed to have this entire week was on Saturday when I threatened to beat the shit out of Tyler if we didn’t go to the Jake Shimabukuro concert. Jake put on an amazing performance, as always. The dude plays the ukulele like a fucking mad man! He does things that make sounds come out of that instrument that I never knew were possible! I know he’s this super talented musician and that should be enough, but he’s also really hot, so it’s just that much better!

Sunday Tyler totally cracked the whip again and I spent the ENTIRE day writing up detailed summaries in, “retard”, on what and how the engineers were doing. It was all extremely boring and by the end of they day I was seriously contemplating suicide. If this is what I have to look forward to once I finally decide to grow up and take a real job, I would rather just take a bullet in the head and just end the misery now! I can’t think of anything that could be more painful than writing my own mini-versions of CS for Dummies, including but not limited to sticking my dick in an electrical socket!

Today is shaping up to be a lot like yesterday and all the days before that in the sense that I am doing a lot of fucking work! This morning I stood in front of the mirror for almost 10 minutes because I forgot how to tie my tie. So I just said, “fuck it!” and threw it on the floor, but then Tyler came in and picked up the tie and tied it for me, that fucking prick bastard! He thinks that he’s all big and bad and totally in charge, but I am definitely putting my foot down once again for tonight’s drunken festivities. It is Cinco de Mayo after all. And there’s no better reason to drink than to celebrate a fake Mexican holiday that no actual Mexican would be caught dead celebrating!

I can't wait until all this bullshit is finally over. I wasn't meant to have a 9 to 5, which is kind of unsettling because I did give up my other career options which would have NEVER required me to work such ungodly hours on a regular basis! I really do just need to win the lottery already! Now if only I could remember to buy one of those stupid lottery tickets... Oh well, it's probably a huge scam anyway.

No comments: