Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Not your typical gay

I have this job with a local GLBT organization. I have been working with them since I moved back to SD in September. It’s an easy going job where I teach a couple of computer classes, tutor some kids, and basically be there as a sympathetic ear for the kids that need to talk. I love this job because not only is it extremely rewarding, but it’s also a lot of fun.

However, recent events have forced me to take a serious look at my position with the organization and if this is something that I actually want to continue with. I have never been very popular with my fellow coworkers. They were always a bit catty for my taste, and when I am around them they seem to turn it up big time to make it obvious they don’t like me. It’s weird how I know I am an intelligent guy, yet amazingly they can reduce me to being a stupid jock and if I am around them long enough they almost have me convinced that it’s all I really am.

Straight acting. I hate that description! It implies that me, and guys like me, aren’t really ourselves. It manages to insult and diminish me as a gay man because I happen to not walk or talk with any effeminate urgency. Since when did playing sports and dressing like I do imply that I am ashamed of myself?

I thought that once I came out, the one place I wouldn’t get questioned over my lifestyle was at a gay center! The specifics are escaping me now, because I am so angry! I get it on this blog all the time also. Where people leave those stupid comments thinking they are clever by asking me if I am sure that I am actually gay. Like all of a sudden I am going to change my mind, and then run up to my mom and say, “APRIL FOOLS! I can’t believe you fell for that! How exciting is it that I don’t actually have to burn in hell anymore!?”

The only way I know how to be is exactly how I am. I love to hop into the ring and fight. I love to drink beer and watch the game with a bunch of my friends on the weekends. I love going to musicals with my friends and then buying the soundtracks and singing along to them in the car all the way home. I love surfing until I am so tired that even paddling back to the beach seems like an impossible task because I am so exhausted. And most importantly I love men and everything about them. From the way they smell, to the way they feel, to the way that they make me feel. Since when did being gay mean that I had to be more than that?

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