Monday, July 31, 2006

The Talk

Yesterday I had an AWESOME day! It was like the universe only had one goal, and that was to make sure my day rocked. Even though I had problems sleeping, I woke up with plenty of energy and I was excited because I was going to be hanging out with 2 of my cool NYC chicks. They wanted to go shopping and do the tourist thing, so I decided to take the to Santa Monica so we could kill 2 birds with one stone.

The third street promeneade is like heaven for all gay men, metrosexuals and girls. It's full of really expensive boutiques and plenty of shirtless street performers with all the abs that you could possibly want! Anyway, we were looking through this one shop, it was a female clothing store so I was pretty bored. And in the back there was the hottest guy that I have seen in a very long time! I mean I am totally off the market and would not even think about doing anything with this guy REALISTICLLY, but the dude was seriously gorgeous! He was an athletic Asian guy about my age with really developed biceps and awesome pecs all packed into a form fitting white Tshirt.

I couldn't stop staring, and it was kind of a problem because I haven't yet had "the talk" with these girls yet, so they didn't know the situation my personal life. So to make a long story short, they go into the dressing room with like 12 outfits each, and then the hot guy walks right up to me and starts to flirt! First of all I was completely shocked, and then I was even more shocked. The dude was really smooth, and if I weren't completely in love with Eddie I would have thrown him into an empty changing room and had my way with him right there! There was just something about this guy that oozed sex. So after I adjusted myself, I knocked on my friends changing room door and told them I would be at the bookstore. Then I smiled at the sexiest guy that has ever spoken to me and I walked out of that store like a pimp!

That was such a confidence booster for me! I think that I really needed that because I was totally walking on air for the rest of the day. Sometimes a boy just needs to feel desired. Do you know what I mean?

Later on I dropped off my NYC chicks and I headed over to my meeting with my sponsor. We shook hands and we talked about Hawaii and all the other things that I have been doing in my life for awhile. Then I decided that I have beaten around the bush long enough and I just got right down to business. I told them that I was on the mend and I was pretty sure that I would be 100% within the next 4 months and that I would love to continue competing. BUT, I would also like to finish school! I know that I am only 20 years old, but I have been in college for over 5 years now and all of my friends have graduated college and either have jobs or are in graduate school. It's really time for me to finish! I also told them that I have recently had to deal with a lot of personal issues that are affecting every aspect of my life and I wasn't sure how I wanted to deal with them in my life as a pro.

At this point they asked me to clarify, and I just told them that I wasn't ready to discus the issue any further at this point. My eyes locked onto the president of the company just for a few seconds, but I totally could tell that he knew exactly what I was talking about! I felt naked. I started to panic a little bit, so I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. When I opened them I felt a little bit better, but I could tell that I needed to get out of there soon. I think that the prez could read my mind becuase he said that it was alright and that he was perfectly okay with me finishing school and going back to our previous arrangement where I toured during breaks and during the summer.

He pat me on the back and shook my hand. Then he told me that if I ever wanted to talk, his door was always open. He told me that he believes in me and my talent and he knows that I can do great things once I have it in my mind to do so. He's a sweet guy so I am sure he says it to all of the guys, but if felt very nice to hear.

So I am pretty sure that that was kind of anti-climactic. I didn't quit and I didn't decide to throw myself into the sport. Also I didn't tell anybody that I was gay. I think that they might have picked up on it, epecially the head honcho, but I didn't go out and say it. I am just going to do what I have been doing. And that's keeping one foot in the door and what foot out. It's what works for me right now. I am way to much of an indecisive loser to live my life any other way. Over all I would say that I accomplished everything that I set out to do at the meeting. I am very happy that nobody pushed for me to take on a more active roll in my career and that nobody pressed the issue on what I was dealing with in my personal life. If and when I become ready, I will share.

Which brings me to my final thought. I don't like Perez Hilton. The way that dude hounded poor Lance Bass was really sad and tragic. I am so happy that nobody cares about surfing enough to ever do that to any of the athletes. So atleast I am lucky that Perez will never come after me. I was talking about this with Eddie (who might have more of a problem because he is working in Hollywood once he comes back from HK. His film has been making its rounds to the right people and he might be doing some pretty exciting things in his immediate future.) and we both agreed that we would freak being outted like that. Even though Eddie is completely open and honest about his sexuallity with everybody, this was completely different! This Perez guy took away Lance's power to make decisions in his own life! Even though I have had a similar experience recently, this was on a MUCH SMALLER scale, but I got the general idea, and it didn't feel good. It's a violation in a really big way and I felt really bad for Lance and what he was forced to do.

Soooo ummm yeah. There's a very interesting story that goes along with this picture, but I am pretty tired and this blog is really long so I am not going to tell you guys about it! I am going to go to sleep now. I have to wake up in 6 hours and start training new staff because a bunch of mine quit over the weekend! LATER!


Marc said...

I don't think that this was anti-climactic at all! Good choice. I think that just as long as you keep on living your life on your own terms things will work out fine. You have a problem when you let others start dictating your future for you.

I completely agree with you on Perez! That dude is a dick! I don't think that he understands where a person in the closet is coming from because he is soooo flaming himself that everybody automatically knows whats going on with him without asking!

I like your picture, but I really do want to hear the story that goes along with it! I could have read a few more paragraphs, your post wasn't that long!

Asher said...

You have heard about the different time zones rule right?? It just doesn't count when you are in another time zone! I think that if he was ready and you were willing, you should have man handled him right into the changing room just like your body was telling you to do!

You obviously have this amazing ability to control yourself because I would have been all over the dude! Once again, you amaze me!

Also glad to hear that everything went so well with your sponsor. I am in total agreement with you on that whole Perez thing, he's a douche! And You have to tell us the story of that picture! I love it, but I need background! I know that its something interesting too!

Bold oy! said...

You are such a lucky guy.
I love that you are so positive about your life.
Go on, ejoy it, and keep writing about it.

Kiel said...

You are awesome! You should be very proud of what you have accomplished because it is a lot bigger of a deal than you are saying. You are getting your life in order and you are doing it on your own terms.

I would have to agree with you on this whole Perez Hilton thing. I didn't really think that it was a big deal until I read what you had to say about it though. Probably because I have never thought about it as somebody losing power over their own lives. Then I reread his little interview where he talks about his mother finding out on the internet. ANd that just breaks my heart! People can be total ass holes sometimes.

Kiel said...

Does it make me a bad person if I agree with Asher that you are in a different time zone so I think that it's completely okay to have sex with this really hot guy!?

George said...

I guess that this whole time zones thing might help you out a little bit when it comes to lying to yourself about what you did. But I think that you made the right choice by leaving the store. Good for you for taking the high road!

I am glad to hear that things went so well with your sponsor. It's great that your sponsor is such a caring company! Also I would have to agree how you feel about perez hilton. That was no way to treat somebody struggling with something so difficult! No matter how much you sugar coat the situation that was just WRONG!

I love the picture! You really need to share the story with us now!

Trevor said...

Dude I am never going to understand you no matter how long I know you! I can't believe that you aren't going to take some time off of school and jsut have a blast while you can! You always do this! haha.

Just for you info, I would have totally taken that hot boy into the changing room and had my way with him. But we both knew that without me sharing. I am a dirty boy!


dan said...

screw the talk about "indecisive loser", you made a decision, you're doing exactly what works for you, brilliant. plus you just stated exactle what your goals are and what you want to do. hey sorry you lost some staff, you're such a nice guy I'd like to see you be a hard nose with new staff.. he he. good luck with all, have a great week stud. later.
P.S. man that pic, I can only imagine... hmmm

Greg said...

It sounds like there is a lot goin gon in your life right now! I don't know how you are able to stay ontop of all of the things that you have going on right now!

Just so you know, I totally would have hooked up with the hottie in the clothing store. I am a dirty bastard and I can not be trusted! THis is why I am always single.

Jason said...

I think that you did a great job getting things done and doing exactly what you needed to. You have an awesome ability to take a look @ the big picture. Maybe this is why you see things in "Wide Screen!"

I hope that breaking in that new staff won't be too difficult. Have fun!

Anonymous said...

I am very impressed with your restraint! if I were you I would have been all over the hot guy. I am one of those people that believe that out of sight means out of mind!

I am happy for you and the way that you dealt with your sponsor. You handled yourself with maturity beyond your years. I don't think that I would have been anle to look at my options and get my priorities straight like you did. That's a very big deal. Congratulations.


Gray said...

Good for you! It's great that you had such an awesome day!

Even though you are "...keeping one foot in the door and...(one) foot out..." it seems to be working for you; in fact, sometimes doing it that way keeps some doors open for you that *might* not otherwise be!

On other things: Eddie is very fortunate to have you as a BF! Judging by some of the comments above, being faithful is not a high priority to some [no offense, guys!].

Sorry some of your staff quit this week. Breaking in some new staff members can be daunting while in the middle of a project. But from what I think I know about you, it should be quick and painless to do with your abilities.

Lastly, I have no idea of the link between Hilton and Bass. This is the first I've heard of it. I'll have to do some Googling to find out what you're alluding to.

Overall, a nice post! Thanks.